Tumble, Turn, Overflow...part seven *s/x*

[tabaqui]

Hullo! Yes, i took a little break from the posting. For some reason? This chapter kicked my *ass*. Very annoying. Anyway, here it is, with the lovely reremouse having done her usual once-over-and-more. :)

It's staying fairly cool here, considering it's June. I'm so, so glad. I'm hoping it'll just keep on like this. *please please please*

On to the fic! Previous parts are here.






"So why haven't your pals fixed you all up, then?" Spike asked, watching the lion-vampire fiddle with the lighter and spoon. It seemed Dru came bearing all kinds of gifts.

"They don't know," Xander said on a sigh, and Spike shot him an astonished look.

"Don't know? C'mon, Harris, you can't make me believe you didn't go running."

"Fuck you. I didn't 'go running'. I...well, about a year after it all happened, I told Giles. I told him he couldn't tell the girls. They didn't need to know."

"And Red'd have your balls, wouldn't she." Spike licked his lips, watching the other vamp approach. Leaning forward and quivering like a dog on a leash, just waiting to be let free.

"I just - didn't... I didn't care, okay? It'd be this big...to do and...and I didn't..." Xander shook his head, looking down - looking away. Listening and knowing exactly what was going on. After a minute the other vamp moved away - heading downstairs where Dru and the other two were setting up something. Spell, Dru had said. All part of the 'cure'.

"Couldn't care, you mean," Spike said, his voice already lower - slower.

Xander picked at a callus on his palm, worrying the thick flesh. "I was - afraid I'd talk to them and just...feel nothing. So I just avoid them, mostly." *And they're busy. Busy busy girls. Only heard from them a few times, anyway...doesn't matter...* "I remember what it feels like, to love them. I don't wanna...find out I really don't anymore."

"Coward," Spike muttered, and Xander jerked around to face him, incredulous.

"You're kidding, right? You get human and you can't deal with fucking - bodily functions and I'm the coward? Fuck you, Spike!"

"Not remotely the bloody same, Harris." Spike seemed to be fighting the drug - or maybe it wasn't working so good for him anymore. "I'm not supposed to be this way. I'm a fucking demon that's been - been locked into a fucking cage. Foul, rotting cage..." Spike looked down at himself with a grimace of disgust and Xander wanted to hit him.

"Bullshit, that's so much -"

"It's not. Red could undo that spell - think she couldn't? But you're too sodding embarrassed to admit you did it so you just - huddle here. Hide from the bloody world and try to think of the next best way to off yourself."

"No she can't," Xander snapped. He pushed himself off the couch and strode over to the right-hand window. Stood there, staring out at the lights of the city. The red and white smears of head and tail lights on the highway and the lone, drifting glimmer of a barge on the river. "Giles - told her. He didn't say it was me, just...someone. They worked on it for like, six months. She couldn't crack it."

"Doesn't mean she wouldn't. -"

"She won't. Spike -" Xander turned around and then just leaned on the window, hip propped on the sill. He was so fucking...tired. Just tired. *Imagine how tired you'll be in a hundred years. In a thousand...* "I didn't invite Dru in. She just came in. I'm not...right. Not anymore."

Spike was staring at him, eyes half closed and his eyes themselves sunk in bruised-looking flesh. Shadowed and still, already miles and molecules away. "S'that why you...why you hid -" Spike gestured at his face and Xander nodded.

"Giles knows but - I mean, there'd be questions for sure if anybody else did. They'd wanna come see...like some kind of fucking...freak show. I didn't know if you'd tell so..." He shrugged. Yeah, it sounded stupid, even in his own head. But it was just one more thing. One more too-obvious sign of his own incredible stupidity. Lying was so much easier, anyway.

"Ignorant sodding bastard," Spike muttered, and his eyes fluttered closed. He looked like a hard-used doll, lying there. Jumble of too-thin limbs and ragged hair and Xander almost walked over to him - almost tugged the throw up around him and smoothed it over his chest. Almost.

Instead, he went into the kitchen and took the last bottle of tequila out of the liquor store bag and cracked the seal. *Comfort in routine. She's gonna kill him in my fucking downstairs living room. Undo whatever the Powers did.* Xander took a long, burning gulp and coughed. There was a sharp crack from downstairs and a rumble of soft laughter, and he shuddered all over. *God, she's gonna take his soul. He fought for that, he - won it. Wanted it. What the fuck am I gonna do?*

He lifted the bottle to his lips, chill glass just touching his skin. "Take another drink, I guess," he murmured. It seemed like the best solution.




"I'm not gonna be part of this, Spike," Xander snapped, and Spike looked like he wanted to put his fist through the wall - or Xander's face.

"Well, too bloody bad! Dru said you have to and you can either come down all quiet like or she can have her fucking Sabertooth clone drag you." Spike grimaced and shifted, pushing himself unsteadily to his feet. "She really doesn't give a flying fuck, mate, but I'm trying to give you some dignity, here."

"Dignity? Says the man who stumbled around bare-ass naked in my hotel room."

"Was fucking high, you moron. It kind of cancels out shite like that."

"I can see why you like it so much, then."

"Oh, bloody hell!" Spike half-hopped two steps toward the stairs and Xander turned away from him, arms crossed, staring into the fire. Ignoring him. "Oi, you! Sabertooth! Shift your arse and get up here. Harris needs some bloody motivation."

Xander turned sharply, glaring at Spike. "Fuck you, Spike! I am not going down there!" He watched, furious, as the big, blond vampire trotted up the stairs and strode across the floor. He came to a stop much, much too close to Xander, arms crossed and a fangy grin on his face. "Fuck off."

"The lady says get you," Sabertooth said, all gleeful anticipation. He twisted his fist in Xander's Henley shirt and turned around - dragged him toward the stairs. Xander landed two good punches and then Sabertooth turned around and punched back.

"Ow!" Xander tried a knee to the groin and Sabertooth punched him again and then it was all a little confused and - floaty. Or flying. Or something. All Xander knew for sure was that he landed hard.

"Glad you could join us," Spike said, sitting cross legged in what looked like the middle of a Spirograph design. The blonde vampire was just finishing up, popping the tourniquet off Spike's arm and bundling the works away. Spike's back arched and he groaned softly, lips curling back from his teeth in a rictus smile.

Xander concentrated on the floor. *She carved that into my fucking floor. Take me forever to sand that out, Jesus...* "Oh, fuck off, Spike! Look what she did to my floor!"

"Boys - no fighting." Drusilla ghosted in from somewhere, soundless on bare feet. Her hair loose and curled around her shoulders, her eyes gleaming in the light of dozens of candles. "It's the night of All Soul's. We must pray for all those sad ghosts trapped in Purgatory." She had a rosary in her fingers, wound loosely around and around and Xander realized with a grimace it was made of little bones.

"Drusilla..." It was weird, saying her name. As if he knew her - as if she was someone to him. "I - I really don't think you need me here -"

"Of course we do, sweet." Dru made a little gesture and Sabertooth was suddenly kneeling behind Xander, yanking his arms back hard and - shit. Xander remembered handcuffs all too well. He twisted, useless attempt to free himself.

"Hey! What the fuck -" Sabertooth-vamp put his hand over Xander's mouth, pinching hard. His skin smelled like smoke and spice from the candles - like earth, and Xander tried to wrench away. It was like fighting a statue. *Fuck, fuck, fuck! Knew this would go bad, knew this was a bad fucking idea. Terrible fucking idea - ow! God damnit -*

"Hush, kitten, hush, hush." Dru glided across the design, her fingertips trailing lightly over Spike's hair as she passed him. She stood over Xander, the rosary clutched in both her hands. The cross on it was stained with blood and it was bound together with what looked like some sort of dried sinew. Xander sat frozen, flexing his wrists. Sabertooth's hand was digging in painfully around his bicep, a grip as hard and cold as a machine's. "This cure we've found - this spell we'll work... It's going to be a hard thing." She looked over her shoulder at Spike, who was keeling over just a little, his eyes half-shut. He was holding the journal again, stroking the worn cover.

Dru leaned down, her face close to Xander's and he tried reflexively to lean back. Sabertooth shook him. "It's going to wring his bones like a mangle, kitten. It's going to hurt, oh so much. He'll need fresh blood, when he wakes. And your blood..." Dru's hand reached and touched Xander's forehead - stroked back through his hair, the bones of the rosary swaying against his lashes - his eyelid. "Your blood will be so rich. So special. Just what he'll need."

Drusilla's scent was of roses and burning and musk and Xander shuddered, jerking against the hold on his jaw - the cuffs. Feeling his heart pound harder - faster. Panicky rhythm that made him dizzy as he panted through his nose. *No, no, no! What if they turn me - can they turn me? God - blood on the hoof for Spike and his crazy-assed girlfriend - why the fuck is my life so fucked up?*

"You'll be... a'right, Harriss" Spike slurred, and Xander glared at him as Dru walked away. "Can't kill you, can I?" He laughed, rusty and strange, and then Dru was kneeling down in front of him, touching his lips - holding a cup to them and Spike was drinking, his hands lightly over hers.

"Guess you're about the best little human around," Sabertooth murmured, cool breath on the back of Xander's neck. "Can't kill you - got magic in your blood I can smell from a hundred feet. Can just drain you whenever we want..." Xander whipped his head back sharply, hoping to catch Sabertooth in the forehead but the vampire laughed softly, dodging easily and pinching Xander's jaw a little harder - hard enough to make Xander go instantly still. "Don't piss me off, kitten. I'll pull your claws."

"Shhhh..." Dru said. She set the cup aside and laid her hand flat on the journal that was in Spike's lap. "You won't need this anymore, Sir Galahad," she said, and Spike blinked sleepily, looking down at the book then back up to Dru in a bewildered sort of way.

"Tried to find you, love. I did. I tried - followed all the c-clues...never gave up, Dru, I never..."

"I know you didn't. I could feel you, following me. Like a bee just behind me, drone and hum... I left you a trail of honey-blood, my Spike..."

"Yours," Spike murmured, and then he was slumping over, eyes going shut and Dru caught him - held him easily.

"Oh, yes, all mine, no matter what Daddy might say. Always mine." Dru's features shifted with a soft crunch and Xander tried to look away - tried to get free. He couldn't do either. He watched as Dru licked a slow path from Spike's collarbone to just below his ear. Her gold-glimmering gaze found Xander's and she smiled at him. Opened her mouth and sank her fangs into Spike's throat and Xander finally closed his eyes.

He couldn't keep them closed, though. Sooner than he expected he could hear Dru moving - speaking - and then her voice dropping into a low, sing-song chant. Hissing out the spell in strange, sibilant words that seemed to itch over Xander's skin. Sabertooth let him go, shoving him back into a wall and Xander watched him walk over behind Dru and stand there, arms crossed, scowling. Dru was bleeding from a cut on her arm, gesturing with a small knife and the cup Spike had drained, blood drops spattering over the floor. The blonde girl-vamp and dreadlock vamp were standing opposite Dru, just outside the edges of the design. A strange, flickering light was swirling in slowly from the corners of the room - pale illumination that crept along the lines of the design and twined around Spike, slipping under him and over him. Into his mouth and nostrils and ears, under his shut lids. His body twitched and rippled as if a million ants were crawling under his skin and it was making Xander feel sick.

*Fuck, just get it over with, get it done, this is...fucking horrible...* Xander twitched against the wall, rubbing his shoulders and the back of his head across the wood. Trying to make the plucking, prickling feeling of the magic stop. He could feel his hair lifting off his head - his clothing bunching and clinging as static electricity built and built, going higher as Dru's voice did.

There was a sudden snap of energy and a popping, crackling fire shot out from Spike and raced across every line of the design - flared and grew and then leapt, arc of lightning that arrowed into the blonde and the dreadlocked vampire - into Sabertooth as Dru deftly twisted aside. All three vampires screamed in unison, pinned to the air by the flickering fire. The fire sank into them and lit them from the inside, brighter and brighter until they were pillars of flame banded by the darker stripes of bone.

With a roar the light sank - pulled itself back and in and down and the vampires followed it, dissolving into dust and ash and darkness, streaming along the fire's path. Melting into nothing as the fire swarmed over Spike, lifting him - turning him. And Spike's mouth opened and he screamed.



It took too long - way too fucking long - for Spike to stop screaming. The air stank of ozone and burnt bone and ash - charred wood and hair and blood and Xander fought to keep from throwing up all the tequila he'd drunk. And every meal for the last three days. Spike's voice cut off abruptly, the raw, choking scream going silent and leaving Xander's ears ringing. Dru stood at the edge of the design, her toes just beyond the blackened lines. She was white - shaking - stained with ashes and blood, her gaze fixed on Spike. Xander pushed against the wall, pushing himself up until he was standing. His wrists ached from the clasp of the handcuffs.

"Spike?"

"Hush, boy. Hush now...let him -"

Spike was lying, twisted and slightly smoking, in the center of the design. Motionless for long moments and then he moved. Took in a hard, gasping breath, jack-knifing upright. His clothes were singed and torn, hanging off him and he scrabbled at the hoodie and t-shirt, tearing them free. Underneath, his skin was smooth as cream, shining like bone in the shifting light of the guttering candles. He took another breath, eyes wide, and then caught sight of Drusilla. Instantly his face shifted and Dru smiled at him, holding out her hand. Crooning to him as if he were a gun-shy dog.

*Not a dog anymore. Fucking tiger...burning bright...what the hell is that? Have to ask Spike, he'd know...* Xander stifled the hysterical giggle that threatened to well up and burst out of him. Asking Spike - anything - was going to be... *Fucking joke. He's not - there anymore. He's gone, just a monster now, no soul and no....him. Nothing.*

"Come on, love - come here to me. You must come here to me, pretty thing..." Drusilla took a step back and Spike coiled upward, standing so easily it made Xander blink. The sweats slid down, off Spike's hips and over his feet and Spike kicked them away - shredded the socks off his feet and stood there, his head tipping one way and then another as he watched Dru. Mouth a little open as if he were drawing in breath and scent. Then he stepped forward and walked. No limp, no hesitation. Remade.

As he stepped over the edge of the design it flared to life behind him - flared up bright and then winked out, leaving nothing but a rough circle of scorched wood. Spike didn't even seem to notice, every bit of his attention focused on Dru. Xander tried not to breathe - tried to make his heart pound a little slower and quieter, for fuck's sake, hoping Spike wouldn't notice him. Wouldn't see him at all.

"Dru...ssilla..." Spike whispered, and Dru seemed to shiver all over. She let the cup and knife fall to the floor - reached out to Spike and met his hands as they reached for her. Spike pulled her close, his arms wrapping around her, his eyes going shut as he leaned there with her, forehead to forehead. Breathing softly, deliberately. Then he opened his eyes and Xander froze, pinned under that brass-gold stare.

"Spike, don't, don't -"

"Look what mummy's got for your tea, Spike. Something fresh and good to make you strong."

"How you look after me," Spike rumbled, nuzzling into Dru's hair for a moment. Then he slipped away from her and toward Xander, his head down, his mouth twisting up into a sly sort of smile. Muscles rolling under his skin, nothing but pure predator in that lion-deadly gaze.

Xander tried to slide away, back to the wall, his knuckles scraping along the plaster. "Spike - don't. I'm - we're -." *Fuck. We're not friends - we're not even comrades. Jesus...Christ...* "Do you - don't you remember me, Spike?" The jamb of one of the downstairs bedroom doors scraped Xander's wrist and he looked frantically over his shoulder at the closed door, trying to find the doorknob.

Spike's hand, cool and heavy, slid over his shoulder and Xander jumped, banging wrist, elbow and head against the wood. "Course I remember you, Harris..." Spike's hand cupped Xander's jaw, turning his head - pressing on the bruises Sabertooth had made. Bruises that would be gone in an hour. Spike was smiling still, fangs glinting ivory-white, his hair still a mess of cork-screwed dreads and lank curls. He stank of blood and salt and something - else. Something dark.

"You're the one can't die, no matter what," Spike murmured, and his lips touched Xander's throat. His tongue did, cool and wet, and the prickle of fangs was like a nettle being touched.

Xander couldn't move back - couldn't move at all - and he heard his breath going high and panting as his heart pounded behind his breastbone, thudding beats that hurt. "Spike - wait, wait! C'mon, please -"

"Won't hurt you, Xander. Won't hurt at all," Spike whispered, his arms sliding around Xander like a snake - his body pressing, cool and snake-heavy and boneless. Pressing Xander tight to the door.

Spike was right, it didn't hurt at all. Until it did.

Continued here.

Comments

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

It may have kicked your ass, but, my dear, it was so very worth it- this is some of your best writing ever, in this chapter, and it's the scariest I've ever seen Drusilla (except in my nightmares when I was writing a couple of chapters of "Rose").

Shivering in anticipation for more!

Julia, poor Xander, paralysed by his own invulnerability

[tabaqui]

Thank you thank you!
It just...it was so freakin' *hard* to write for some reason. Insane.
*does small happy dance*
Thank you!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Oh my god--where the hell are you going with this? What thre eff is going on? Don't hurt Xander more than he is, please!
You're killing me!
I love it so much! *grin*
Spike was right, it didn't hurt at all. Until it did.
*shiver*

[tabaqui]

Heeeeee!!
*ahem*
*smoooooch*
Thank you thank you!
:)

[sweptawaybayou.livejournal.com]

Perfect and incredible.

Made me sit up and lean closer and read faster. Simply ... breathtaking.

*bounces*

**smooches you all up**

[tabaqui]

Ooh, thank you!!
*smooshes you*
*luffs*

[treehuggin06.livejournal.com]

Holy fuck...I think you kicked this story's ass back...definately worth the wait...

[tabaqui]

Heee!
Thank you so much!
:)

[realtsunamigirl.livejournal.com]

Leave it to Xander to find the ultimate monley's paw and then get someone to beat him with it:-)

Very nice. I like the sort of thick feel of this story, like honey or molasses, kind of like nightmares where you can only move in slow motion and watch in horror.

[tabaqui]

Heheeee.
Yup.
Thank you! I like that description. :)
*smooch*

[vampirefever.livejournal.com]

Oooo, Spike's a vamp again. But what was the spell? Just to make him whole, or has he still got his soul?
More more more
:-)

[tabaqui]

Soon! Ish.
:)
You'll just have to be patient!
*laa*

[katbcoll.livejournal.com]

*jaw drops* Holy....!!!
Oh my....
*flails* Dude, Fuuuuuuck!

[tabaqui]

Heeeee!
Thank you!
:)

[sorrelchestnut.livejournal.com]

Whoa. That was some of the scariest Drusilla I've seen in a damn long time. Alot of writers focus on her insanity, and not the strangely sane aspect of her craziness- and how incredibly dangeous she can be, despite it all. Fantastic writing. I'm on the edge of my seat, here.

[tabaqui]

Thank you so much!
Yeah, Dru's nuts but she's *old*, and vicious. She's killed a Slayer, she's done a *lot* of damage, and despite her insanity she's still around. So, yeah - beware of her!
:)

[piratepurple.livejournal.com]

Have I mentioned how much I love this? *squeeze*

[tabaqui]

Maybe!
:)
*smoooooooooch*

[alida-hush.livejournal.com]

Oh, darling, you read my mind. I needed more of my beautiful Spike and you delivered. Love it. All of it. ^^

- Alida

[tabaqui]

Thank you so much!
:)

[twilightofmagic.livejournal.com]

Brilliant writing, just brilliant.

[tabaqui]

Thank you!
:)

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was more than a simple turning, way more. What has Dru done? Amazing writing here, the descriptions just leap off the page. Glad you persevered.

[tabaqui]

Yay, Dru! She's just so much fun.
Thank you thank you!

[brandil.livejournal.com]

You never stop amazing me. Ever.

[tabaqui]

*smooch*
Thank you, bay-bee.

[eithnex.livejournal.com]

Oh this was so wonderful! Love Dru in her wickedness, she's so deliciously dark and loves so deeply in her own twisted little fashion. Xander does get himself into trouble with these two doesn't he? I'll look forward to more when you can and thank you for the update.

[tabaqui]

Oh yis, Dru is just... I luffs her.
Thank you so much!

[shakatany.livejournal.com]

Oh no he came back wrong. Our poor bois. You'll fix it - eventually - right???
On tenterhooks.

Shakatany

[tabaqui]

? Wrong? No, no - he's just *perfect*.
:)

[fotada.livejournal.com]

This is deliciously dark. I mean--damn! The blood-stained rosary made of bones and sinew is so creepy! Yet, so Drusilla.

[tabaqui]

Thank you so much!
:)

[witling.livejournal.com]

Hoooooooooo boy. Awesome. I love that you go dark like this. It jams down hard on my kick-the-Xander kink, as I'm sure you well know.

I sit happily at your feet and mouth-breathe while admiring the pretty pictures.

[tabaqui]

*pets the poor boy*
I'm not *deliberately* kicking him!
*butbetterhimthanSpike*
*ahem*

Thank you!
*shuffles un-pedicured and sandpapery feet under chair*

[yanagi-wa.livejournal.com]

I hope your ass is better. This is so good I don't know where to start. Dru is batshit crazy, but she does know her mojo. Poor Xander. Is he reduced to a happy meal on legs? I hope not.

[tabaqui]

*snerk*
A little bruised, but okay.
Thank you thank you!
:)

[postholedigger.livejournal.com]

Oh. Just oh. (shivers) And oh again.

[tabaqui]

Thank you thank you!

[darkhavens.livejournal.com]

Xander concentrated on the floor. *She carved that into my fucking floor. Take me forever to sand that out, Jesus...* "Oh, fuck off, Spike! Look what she did to my floor!"

BWAH! Oh Xander, forever the carpenter. :D

Damn, this was wonderfully creepy and Dru kicked ass with that spell! ROWR!

[tabaqui]

Heeeee!
He so is.
Thank you thank you!!
:)

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

That was just absolutely wonderful. You do such great, awesome (in the original sense of the word), terrible (again, original sense of the word) magickal scenes/spells. The description is just so powerful and ... yes.

And your Drusilla here (and in other fics as well) is absolutely wonderful. Deadly and dangerous, functioning by her own screwed up logic, capable and terrifying.

The problem, I think, with most fic writers when they write Dru is that they remember way too vividly the early Dru, from before Spike did the spell, using Angel's blood, that cured her injuries. Because she was ... very vulnerable and childlike and seemed simple during that period. And then, when Angelus came back, she was again childlike as she responded to her "Daddy". There's just not enough moments of awesome, terrible, "love me and fear me" Dru ... the moment she picks Spike up and carries his injured unconscious body from that church, the moment she kills Kendra, the aftermath of that train ride when she comes back to Sunnydale for Spike, only to find he's become besotted with Buffy. And that's the Dru we should see in post-cure fic, that horrible magnificent brilliant insane creature.

Frankly, I don't think many fic writers are up to the challenge of writing her as she should be written post-cure. And those who are capable of writing her that way often still don't; they seem to cling to the vulnerable, childlike Dru who cries when Spike is "a bad, rude man" about her neglected canaries dying.

You are the exception to the rule. If Dru ends up being an integral part of the rest of the story, if she and Spike and Xander ended in a triangle - I trust you to do it justice (there's that trust thing again). And I say that as someone who generally feels, even in canon, that a little Dru goes a longlong way, and that a little Dru is maybe more than enough ofher.

I offer these thoughts on why the chapter was so difficult to get written. You're in Xander's POV and he's not his normal big-hearted self. He and Spike, after *seven* chapters, still haven't really begun to form a bond. There's no positive emotion between them, plus Xander is terrified and helpless, while Spike (and Dru, too) is being a totally scary-ass predator.

And yet there's an intense emotional element to the scene/chapter. This is non-con at its most disturbing, even though the sexual element is mostly sublimated and subtextual. (As sublimated and subtextual as any sexual element can be when a healthy and whole Spike is stalking around with intent to feed, that is.)

I can't remember you writing any non-con for kicks and kinks. It's disturbing, especially when these are two characters who've been lovers so often in your fic, but really have no emotional bond beyond a rather fragile nostalgia.

So, that's my suggestion(s). Is it anywhere even close? Even if it's totally off the mark, maybe it'll start a chain of thoughts that'll enlighten you about the whole thing.

So ... looking forward very much to whatever comes next. I'm still clueless about where exactly you're going with this fic - except I think/hope it involves fixing Xander's detachment/problems and getting the boys together. But, in for the duration, so I guess I'll find out as you post each part.

*shivers* Poor baby, Xander, all terrified and trapped and having prey reactions and, well, having some emotional reaction, caring about something, would seem to be an improvement for him - omg, he's afraid to find out if his love for his girls has become theoretical to him, OMG!!! - but I don't think he's seeing this as a positive step.

::pets Xander:: ::hugs you::

[tabaqui]

Dude, omg. That is....amazing fb. I'm just so thrilled and touched and...
Wow.
:)

First, thank you so much for the thoughts on Dru! I think you're exactly right, too many people remember her as the sickly, mostly innefectual vampire of season two who just couldn't do anything. But it seemed obvious to me that she was so, so powerful. She was with Darla and Angelus for years before Spike came along and i'm sure she held her own there easily, insane or not. So thank you! I adore Dru, and always do my best to make her interesting and powerful.

As for the reason this chapter was so hard - probably it's close to that. This fic has a definite 'tone' to it, and it's not an easy one. I didn't want Xander to be too emotionless, or Spike to be to pathetic, and making them both as much Spike and Xander as i can in the context of this fic is hard.

Plus, the spell scene took some reworking, and i had to make sure it all fit and made sense and...
Yeah, hard. Heh.

I'm not sure if this fic will have an ending everybody will like. I'm sure i will, and that it will *fit*, but...we'll see. At the moment i'm debating where, exactly, i'm going next - two days later or two years later? So...lots of mulling going on.

Xander's problem is huge - the spell really *does* keep him from being vulnerable by blocking any sort of strong emotion, so...it's a huge thing. I'm sure i have a good way of fixing it, but we'll see!

And wow, non-con. I didn't even think of that angle but yeah, i suppose so. And i'm glad that it's 'disturbing' - i like to know i *can* write well enough to really stir emotions, good *and* bad.

Thank you again for this amazing fb! You really, really made my day, and made all the sweat and blood it takes to write sometimes totally worth it.
*smoooooch*

[kitty-poker1.livejournal.com]

Better to take a break than to post something you're not completely happy with. Your readers will stay with you.

"I didn't invite Dru in. She just came in. I'm not...right. Not anymore."

Now, that's disturbing.

I don't know what Spike is, but I don't think he's Spike. He's *something* else and it's scaring the bajesus outta me!

[tabaqui]

Yup, exactly.
Heeeee.
Yis, disturbing.
:)
*bounce*

[girlguidejones.livejournal.com]

Your Dru is perfect! Of course the two foolish vampire lackeys would be used up and discarded...Drusilla is deviously clever to let them think Xander was the only one in danger.

I am fascinated to see whether being re-turned will knock the monkey off of Spike's back or whether he will simply continue to use without the physical deterioration.

Great chapter!

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you so much!
Yeah - she killed off all three!
I don't think vamps become addicted to anything...i dunno if Joss said they did or not, but i think...not.
:)

[sparrow2000.livejournal.com]

I am now officially terrified. god, your Drusilla is so damn creepy and while I'm sort of glad Spike is no longer strung out, I'm now very, very scared for Xander - being an immortal blood bank is probably not his idea of a promising future.

[tabaqui]

Thank you so much!
*bounce*

[kaygrr.livejournal.com]

Oh, man - I should have read this while under the bed. Maybe with a teddy bear close to hand. Scary and perfect!

[tabaqui]

Heeeee!
*ahem*
Sorry?
:)
Thank you!