![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Oh my.
I've gone and done it.
I admited 'restlessness' to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kyrieane and she suddenly turned evol and bombarded me with prompts!!
I was foreced to write drabbles!!
Hee.
Actually, it was really fun, and so i thought i'd put them up for all to see.
:)
*hugs Kyri*
Your eeevol, but i lurve you!
Go and seetxrabbit's Serene which started it all.
*bounce*
Now, here are mine.
'The Lion in Winter'
*Sound: eerie silence of falling snow. Word: sacrifice.*
When the presents had been unwrapped and the booze sucked down and the turkey - legs up and eviscerated like some pagan sacrifice - was picked down to bone and gristle, Xander made his way outside, standing on the back porch and breathing deep, slow breaths.
The air was like iced champagne in his nose, cold and utterly still. Snow was falling - snow - and he was enough of a SoCal boy still to find that...utterly magical. He stood with his arms wrapped around his ribs, insulated from the party-noise by the sliding glass door. A deep calm came to him as he listened to the eerie sound of snow falling. It was like the brush of feathers over skin - a muted hiss, a muffled crystal chime as ice impacted ice.
He closed his eyes, just breathing, and then opened them again in shock as strong, fuzzy arms wrapped around him from behind. Spike, and his cashmere sweater and his whiskey-smoke-clove scent and his lips tender and cool on the back of Xander's neck.
"Happy New Year, love," Spike whispered, and Xander smiled.
*Sound: ice as cracks on a thawing lake. Word: shimmer.*
*Maine is a weird place* Xander thought. It was beautiful, and it was so open, compared to life in Sunnydale. Miles and miles of forest and lakes, cranberry bogs and seashore where there were no people at all. And your neighbors would help you out of a ditch or give you the shirt off their back, but they wouldn't just come around. No walking through the front door at all hours like they'd done to Giles.
But Xander liked it - liked being alone with Spike. So, tonight, the two of them out behind their house. Mid-February and they were in shirt-sleeves, jeans, and old, old sneakers, sliding on the ice of their own little lake. A weird, unseasonable warm-up and they'd both been restless and wanting to just be out, after three months of cold and ice and snow.
And naked cuddling by the fire under a down comforter, but after awhile you just wanted to run.
So they were running and sliding and Xander was laughing like a loon until he heard that dry-twig snap and glassine chime of breaking ice. He lurched, losing his footing as icy water swirled over his shoe-top, but then he was flying - falling - and Spike had him on his back in the snow, shaking him gently and growling.
"Xander, you bastard, are you alright pet? Stupid human, should know better, love, you hurt?" The sky shimmered behind Spike - pale green Aurora Borealis and Xander wrapped his arms tight around Spike and smiled up at the dancing sky. "I'm fine, Spike - I'm just fine."
*Sound: Creak of old leather. Word: sunset. Color: tarnished brass.*
Sunset and Xander stretched lazily, looking at the windows that lined the entire western side of the room. Necro-tempered, something they'd seen once in L.A. and gotten for themselves. Clouds were bulking along the horizon and the sun itself was drowning in clouds - deeply-scarlet ball of fire swaddled and sinking in skeins of lavender and bruise-blue, poppy-red and the rich gold of geraniums. Winter sunset, Xander's favorite.
He sat up and slid to his knees, picking up the poker and jostling the logs in the fireplace for a moment - stirring coals and settling them. The tarnished brass of the andirons winked and gleamed, and the blue and white tiles around the hearth were stacked with cloth-bound and leather-bound journals, old books, new paperbacks, and three days worth of newspapers. Xander put another log on the fire - cherrywood, fragrant and heavy - and smiled to himself at the soft creak of leather as something slid into the club chair behind him. He moved backwards, reversing himself and settling with a happy sigh onto Spike. Warm from the electric blanket, bed-tousled hair and sleepy eyes like old lapis, welcoming smile, soft kiss. Winter sunsets, the best of all times.
'With Extreme Prejudice'
*Scent: ozone after a storm. Words: skitter, lemondrop.*
Willy had told them, and at first none of them had believed him, because why should they? But it was true. In one three-day weekend - Presidents Day, actually - they'd actually shut the Initiative down, packed up and moved out. They were gone. And more than that - it was like they'd never been. As far as they could tell, the secret installation under the university had been filled in - the caves were scoured of any and all refuse Adam might have left behind. The cameras, the bugs, the soldiers - all gone. And, Willy said, all their hardware. He said it with a lift of his eyebrow and a look and after a minute they got it. Incredibly, out of fear of possible discovery, they'd rounded up all the 'hostiles' still around with chips and taken them out. No more chips. And Xander was quietly freaking out, because Spike had been gone for days.
So, him and Oz looking for Spike, because they'd found a few of the 'fixed' hostiles, and the surgeons had done something else. Had deliberately damaged them. So Buffy was engaged in the grim task of putting mentally unhinged, pathetically helpless demons out of their misery. And Xander was frantic to find Spike.
It had rained all day and just tapered off in the last fifteen minutes and he and Oz were soaking wet, squishing through the cemetery towards Spike's crypt. Gonna start there and work their way out. The air thick with the smell of mud and wet, rotting leaves; the burnt-lemon smell of ozone from a last spear of lightening that had blown a transformer three blocks away. They pushed the crypt door open slowly, so slowly, ready to duck and cover, but there was only the dry skitter of skin over stone, and Xander knew.
He crouched down, duck-walking slowly over to the hunched form that twisted away from him. Torn jeans, no shirt, duster covered in mud, no boots. Hair shaved off, and blood, and a clumsy bandage half-ripped away. Spike snarled at him, then whimpered, his hands clutching his head, his shoulders coming up like little folded angel's wings around his ears. Oz settled beside him and Xander sighed in relief - watched as Oz held out his hand, offering... Spike looked at the hand, and at them, then reached out and scooped the lemon drop up and into his mouth. Remembering, maybe. Xander hoped so.
*Sound: shattering glass. Word: caged.*
The sounds from the other room were gradually tapering off - gradually getting quieter, but then there was that familiar, hated sound - the explosive pop and ice-on-tin rattle of shattering glass.
*Fuck, what'd we forget -* Xander thought, and he scrambled across the living room to the second bedroom - the one whose windows were carefully boarded over. He stood for a minute outside the door and then he breathed the unlocking word Giles had taught him and pushed it open. Spike, in the corner, gouging the plaster back to the studs, ragged jeans and shredded t-shirt showing streaks of blood. And the fixture, ten feet or more up in the vaulted ceiling, shattered over the carpet. Xander picked his way carefully around the mess and Spike caught his scent - turned and snarled, caged animal.
Xander hasn't seen his human face in weeks, but that's okay. Spike is getting better, and Xander knows he'll be back to himself one day, sooner or later. He's promised, and he won't break that oath.
"C'mon and sit with me," Xander says, soft as he can, folding to the floor, and after a moment Spike does. Leans into him, rubbing against his shoulder, snuggling into his chest, rusty grumble of pleasure coming up out of his chest and....
"Sssan..." soft as a sigh. That is why he promised, and that's why he'll never, ever give up.
*Sound: alto sax. Word: truth. Scent: night blooming jasmine.*
Lee Konitz on the CD player - something Oz had brought over. Alto sax smooth and heavy and slow, winding out into the air. Candles lit, because the electric light was just too bright, sometimes. Sitting on the floor because Spike seemed to like that - seemed more at his ease when he wasn't playing at being the human. Truth in the easy, feline sprawl of his body across the spruce-green Berber, skin the color of old ivory glinting through rips in the jeans he will not let Xander throw away.
Oz leaning against the couch, eyes closed and head moving gently to the music. Xander himself propped on one elbow, watching Spike. The patio door was open and the curtains sway in a sudden gust. Bell and then fall slack and the apartment was filled with the scent of wet earth and spring rain and night-blooming jasmine. Spike lifted his head, scenting, eyes half-shut. And then...twist and shiver of bone and muscle, and for the first time since they found him it was the human face and not the demons, looking at him. Black eyebrows and scarlet lips and the scar, cheekbones high and lifting like the wing of a bird and the oceanic blue of his eyes.
"That's good," Spike says, softly, and Xander knows he's crying - can feel it - and doesn't care.
"Yeah. That's good, Spike."
Okay, not REAL drabbles 'cause they're too long. But something.
I've gone and done it.
I admited 'restlessness' to
kyrieane and she suddenly turned evol and bombarded me with prompts!!I was foreced to write drabbles!!
Hee.
Actually, it was really fun, and so i thought i'd put them up for all to see.
:)
*hugs Kyri*
Your eeevol, but i lurve you!
Go and see
txrabbit's Serene which started it all.*bounce*
Now, here are mine.
'The Lion in Winter'
*Sound: eerie silence of falling snow. Word: sacrifice.*
When the presents had been unwrapped and the booze sucked down and the turkey - legs up and eviscerated like some pagan sacrifice - was picked down to bone and gristle, Xander made his way outside, standing on the back porch and breathing deep, slow breaths.
The air was like iced champagne in his nose, cold and utterly still. Snow was falling - snow - and he was enough of a SoCal boy still to find that...utterly magical. He stood with his arms wrapped around his ribs, insulated from the party-noise by the sliding glass door. A deep calm came to him as he listened to the eerie sound of snow falling. It was like the brush of feathers over skin - a muted hiss, a muffled crystal chime as ice impacted ice.
He closed his eyes, just breathing, and then opened them again in shock as strong, fuzzy arms wrapped around him from behind. Spike, and his cashmere sweater and his whiskey-smoke-clove scent and his lips tender and cool on the back of Xander's neck.
"Happy New Year, love," Spike whispered, and Xander smiled.
*Sound: ice as cracks on a thawing lake. Word: shimmer.*
*Maine is a weird place* Xander thought. It was beautiful, and it was so open, compared to life in Sunnydale. Miles and miles of forest and lakes, cranberry bogs and seashore where there were no people at all. And your neighbors would help you out of a ditch or give you the shirt off their back, but they wouldn't just come around. No walking through the front door at all hours like they'd done to Giles.
But Xander liked it - liked being alone with Spike. So, tonight, the two of them out behind their house. Mid-February and they were in shirt-sleeves, jeans, and old, old sneakers, sliding on the ice of their own little lake. A weird, unseasonable warm-up and they'd both been restless and wanting to just be out, after three months of cold and ice and snow.
And naked cuddling by the fire under a down comforter, but after awhile you just wanted to run.
So they were running and sliding and Xander was laughing like a loon until he heard that dry-twig snap and glassine chime of breaking ice. He lurched, losing his footing as icy water swirled over his shoe-top, but then he was flying - falling - and Spike had him on his back in the snow, shaking him gently and growling.
"Xander, you bastard, are you alright pet? Stupid human, should know better, love, you hurt?" The sky shimmered behind Spike - pale green Aurora Borealis and Xander wrapped his arms tight around Spike and smiled up at the dancing sky. "I'm fine, Spike - I'm just fine."
*Sound: Creak of old leather. Word: sunset. Color: tarnished brass.*
Sunset and Xander stretched lazily, looking at the windows that lined the entire western side of the room. Necro-tempered, something they'd seen once in L.A. and gotten for themselves. Clouds were bulking along the horizon and the sun itself was drowning in clouds - deeply-scarlet ball of fire swaddled and sinking in skeins of lavender and bruise-blue, poppy-red and the rich gold of geraniums. Winter sunset, Xander's favorite.
He sat up and slid to his knees, picking up the poker and jostling the logs in the fireplace for a moment - stirring coals and settling them. The tarnished brass of the andirons winked and gleamed, and the blue and white tiles around the hearth were stacked with cloth-bound and leather-bound journals, old books, new paperbacks, and three days worth of newspapers. Xander put another log on the fire - cherrywood, fragrant and heavy - and smiled to himself at the soft creak of leather as something slid into the club chair behind him. He moved backwards, reversing himself and settling with a happy sigh onto Spike. Warm from the electric blanket, bed-tousled hair and sleepy eyes like old lapis, welcoming smile, soft kiss. Winter sunsets, the best of all times.
'With Extreme Prejudice'
*Scent: ozone after a storm. Words: skitter, lemondrop.*
Willy had told them, and at first none of them had believed him, because why should they? But it was true. In one three-day weekend - Presidents Day, actually - they'd actually shut the Initiative down, packed up and moved out. They were gone. And more than that - it was like they'd never been. As far as they could tell, the secret installation under the university had been filled in - the caves were scoured of any and all refuse Adam might have left behind. The cameras, the bugs, the soldiers - all gone. And, Willy said, all their hardware. He said it with a lift of his eyebrow and a look and after a minute they got it. Incredibly, out of fear of possible discovery, they'd rounded up all the 'hostiles' still around with chips and taken them out. No more chips. And Xander was quietly freaking out, because Spike had been gone for days.
So, him and Oz looking for Spike, because they'd found a few of the 'fixed' hostiles, and the surgeons had done something else. Had deliberately damaged them. So Buffy was engaged in the grim task of putting mentally unhinged, pathetically helpless demons out of their misery. And Xander was frantic to find Spike.
It had rained all day and just tapered off in the last fifteen minutes and he and Oz were soaking wet, squishing through the cemetery towards Spike's crypt. Gonna start there and work their way out. The air thick with the smell of mud and wet, rotting leaves; the burnt-lemon smell of ozone from a last spear of lightening that had blown a transformer three blocks away. They pushed the crypt door open slowly, so slowly, ready to duck and cover, but there was only the dry skitter of skin over stone, and Xander knew.
He crouched down, duck-walking slowly over to the hunched form that twisted away from him. Torn jeans, no shirt, duster covered in mud, no boots. Hair shaved off, and blood, and a clumsy bandage half-ripped away. Spike snarled at him, then whimpered, his hands clutching his head, his shoulders coming up like little folded angel's wings around his ears. Oz settled beside him and Xander sighed in relief - watched as Oz held out his hand, offering... Spike looked at the hand, and at them, then reached out and scooped the lemon drop up and into his mouth. Remembering, maybe. Xander hoped so.
*Sound: shattering glass. Word: caged.*
The sounds from the other room were gradually tapering off - gradually getting quieter, but then there was that familiar, hated sound - the explosive pop and ice-on-tin rattle of shattering glass.
*Fuck, what'd we forget -* Xander thought, and he scrambled across the living room to the second bedroom - the one whose windows were carefully boarded over. He stood for a minute outside the door and then he breathed the unlocking word Giles had taught him and pushed it open. Spike, in the corner, gouging the plaster back to the studs, ragged jeans and shredded t-shirt showing streaks of blood. And the fixture, ten feet or more up in the vaulted ceiling, shattered over the carpet. Xander picked his way carefully around the mess and Spike caught his scent - turned and snarled, caged animal.
Xander hasn't seen his human face in weeks, but that's okay. Spike is getting better, and Xander knows he'll be back to himself one day, sooner or later. He's promised, and he won't break that oath.
"C'mon and sit with me," Xander says, soft as he can, folding to the floor, and after a moment Spike does. Leans into him, rubbing against his shoulder, snuggling into his chest, rusty grumble of pleasure coming up out of his chest and....
"Sssan..." soft as a sigh. That is why he promised, and that's why he'll never, ever give up.
*Sound: alto sax. Word: truth. Scent: night blooming jasmine.*
Lee Konitz on the CD player - something Oz had brought over. Alto sax smooth and heavy and slow, winding out into the air. Candles lit, because the electric light was just too bright, sometimes. Sitting on the floor because Spike seemed to like that - seemed more at his ease when he wasn't playing at being the human. Truth in the easy, feline sprawl of his body across the spruce-green Berber, skin the color of old ivory glinting through rips in the jeans he will not let Xander throw away.
Oz leaning against the couch, eyes closed and head moving gently to the music. Xander himself propped on one elbow, watching Spike. The patio door was open and the curtains sway in a sudden gust. Bell and then fall slack and the apartment was filled with the scent of wet earth and spring rain and night-blooming jasmine. Spike lifted his head, scenting, eyes half-shut. And then...twist and shiver of bone and muscle, and for the first time since they found him it was the human face and not the demons, looking at him. Black eyebrows and scarlet lips and the scar, cheekbones high and lifting like the wing of a bird and the oceanic blue of his eyes.
"That's good," Spike says, softly, and Xander knows he's crying - can feel it - and doesn't care.
"Yeah. That's good, Spike."
Okay, not REAL drabbles 'cause they're too long. But something.
Tags:
no subject
The snow drabbles? My fuckin' *crack* girl! you kill me dead with your description, I can smell it and taste it--and you had me at ""Xander, you bastard, are you alright pet? Stupid human, should know better, love, you hurt?" The sky shimmered behind Spike - pale green Aurora Borealis and Xander wrapped his arms tight around Spike and smiled up at the dancing sky. "I'm fine, Spike - I'm just fine."
The last three? OMFG.I want moooooooooore!
no subject
Ms. Thang, i love you!!!
Thank you!
*bounce*
It was FUN!
I was skeeered of drabbles, but no more!
Hee!
*bounce*
no subject
you should do this more often!
So sad, and yet there's that silver lining at the horizon...
Loved this!
no subject
Oh, yeah, always gotta have the silver lining, 'cause...
My bois! I lurve them!
no subject
no subject
:)
no subject
Gonna flesh out the last three into a full story? Willya, huh? Please?
no subject
Oh, you are soooo evol.
Stoppit now.
*beats at bunnies with stick*
no subject
Thank you! And I hope we got you hooked!
no subject
It was terribly fun... Ack!
*runs screaming*
no subject
no subject
Goodness.
:)
Glad you liked them!
no subject
my fave one tho? the alto sax one....it just hurts, in that lovely breath taking, heart clenching spine tingling way! you rock sweets!
no subject
Thanks, baybee!!
All on you!
:)
Oh, we'll be doing THAT again, i'm pretty damn sure.
*see icon three times*
no subject
no subject
:)
no subject
Of course now I want to know if Spike gets better!!
no subject
Stoppit!!
Thank you, bay-bee!
Drabbles
Shakatany
Re: Drabbles
Evol to the core.
*grrrrrrrrr*
It's already in my HEAD, damnit!!
*Aiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!*
YOU - you need an LJ account. Just a free one. If you get one? I'll make you an icon. Anything you want!!
:)
*tempt*
no subject
These are wonderful. Your descriptions in the snow ones had me shivering like I was there. Gorgeous imagery!
The second set were painful and hard and just perfect, cos Spike is getting better, and Xander is crying and...
Fantastic!
no subject
Heee.
And thank you, sweetie - go glad you liked!
*pets you*
Here, have a tissue.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
Wow.
These put me into sensory overload the first time I read them, and sent me down the rabbit hole of things I want to feel and see... evocative isn't half of it, these magic up a 3-D sensesurround sensual environment.
By that I mean: cool. Just...wow. Cool.
Julia, on a very cold morning
no subject
I really appreciate that.
:)
no subject
Just couldn't resist a plot, though, could you? Those bunnies are nasty.
no subject
*splendiferous*
I like that!
Ooh, plot always happens. I can't help myself.
It's this thing in my brain - won't let me just throw them outthere without some resolution.
:)
no subject
The first 'With Extreme Prejudice' nearly keeled me.
:: pokes kyri so she'll poke'n'prompt you again ::
no subject
Thank you!
Hee.
Kyri needs no pokes, she's gotta million of 'em!!
Evol Drabbles
As always the brilliant imagery just transported me to winter/snow/wild. With the contrasting warmth/love of the bois relationship plucking at my heartstrings. I always felt suspicious when Spike walked away from the emergency chip removal intact. Now I know how it Really would have gone. These are just amazing
*choke*
I think I need a hug....
Re: Evol Drabbles
:)
And migraine - suxors.
*really* would have happened in my nasty brain, maybe. I'm glad there were no lingering 'things' in the show, other than his ridiculous guilt.
*hugs you hard, if belatedly*
For a selected few on my Flist
Xander wasn’t sure if he could do this. He needed the money and he knew he was perfect for the part. Perfect enough to be hired on after just one reading. The trouble was, he never would have auditioned if he’d known who the leading man would be.
William. His William. But no, that had been a long time ago. And he wasn’t even going by that name anymore. Blond hair dye, a name change and three thousand miles between them had definitely proven to Xander that William, no, it was Spike now… wasn’t his anymore.
It was now or never. Xander sighed and tried his best to look confident as he walked through the door. Cameras were placed strategically around, the set large and spectacular, taking his breathe away. A far cry from the theater group’s small stage and setup he was used to. This was something big. He could feel it. A new beginning for him to prove to the world he was real. That he could fit in with the Hollywood crowd.
He truly believed that. Believed he belonged there, until he felt the eyes on him. Two years and he could still remember how it felt to be the center of William’s attention. That’s what he was when they were together. Part of a whole. A couple. Something he hadn’t felt since. He pushed down the lump and blinked, turning his body to face his fears and found himself staring into the burning blue eyes of his ex-lover.
Re: For a selected few on my Flist
And - there's more, right?
Right???
*bouncity*
Part 2
(Anonymous) - 2004-10-25 03:09 am (UTC) - ExpandRe: Part 2
Re: Part 2
Re: Part 3
(Anonymous) - 2004-10-25 05:19 am (UTC) - ExpandRe: Part 3
Part 4
(Anonymous) - 2004-10-25 11:46 pm (UTC) - ExpandRe: Part 4
Part 5
(Anonymous) - 2004-10-26 02:35 am (UTC) - ExpandRe: Part 5
Part 6
(Anonymous) - 2004-10-26 12:43 pm (UTC) - ExpandRe: Part 6
Part 7
It was late on a Friday night, actually early Saturday morning when they finally wrapped for the weekend. Xander had long since stopped trying to talk to Spike. He’d learned his lesson, tired of being told to fuck off, sod off, get bent or any of the other British euphemisms Spike was so fond of. Each night, he’d retreat wordlessly into his trailer, gather his belongings and drive back to the small hotel he was calling home for the moment.
With a bag of toiletries in hand, he was standing with his key in the trailer door when he heard the footsteps behind him.
“Xander.”
That voice. That damned sexy accent. He shivered at the way his name slid so easily off Spike’s tongue. He immediately felt the tension grip his shoulders, but he managed to turn around to the voice.
“Spike.”
He was standing, half lit by a small light on the trailer, smoking a cigarette. “You did good tonight.”
Xander shrugged off the compliment. “I guess.” He turned back around, locked the door and then slid the key into his pocket while turning back to face Spike.
“Take some credit. It was a bloody hard scene.”
Xander’s saddened eyes darted away. “Wasn’t so hard.” Too easy to cry when Spike had been looking at him with so much sympathy.
Xander shrugged and began walking, intent on making it to his car, surprised when Spike tossed his cigarette and fell in step beside him. After half a minute or so, he stopped and turned to face the other man. “What are you doing? Last I remember, just a few days ago you were telling me to leave you the fuck alone.”
Spike sighed, kicking the dirt and then looked Xander’s way. “Yeah, about that. Look, if what’s his name isn’t the jealous type, maybe we could go for a cup of coffee?”
Re: Part 7
They're talking!
Yay!
:)
Re: Part 7
(Anonymous) - 2004-10-29 02:43 am (UTC) - ExpandRe: Part 7
Part 8
“What?”
“You always did have a taste for the sweet stuff.”
“And you always took yours black.” Xander smiled back. “I guess that’s why you were the one who always had the six-pack abs.”
Spike let his eyes travel the length of Xander’s torso that wasn’t hidden behind the small booth table. “Back then, maybe. Now it looks like you’ve been hitting the gym.”
Xander shrugged. “Just figured I should start taking care of myself.”
Spike cocked an eyebrow. “Fairly sure you turn some heads, pet.”
A crimson blush crept over his face but Xander didn’t miss the subtle term he’d been so fond of when they were together. Pet, luv, Xan…all endearments saved exclusively for him. He traced the rim of his coffee cup and pondered how many others since then had enjoyed his nicknames.
Spike noticed the shift in mood and began fidgeting with the empty packets lying on the table. They both looked up at the same time, catching each other’s gaze. Both had questions and both were afraid to ask.
A blink later, Xander gained the courage. After all, there was a time he could have told this man anything. This was still William, no matter what had happened between them. “I’m sorry if my being here makes you uncomfortable.”
This time, it was Spike who shrugged. “I asked you for coffee, remember?”
He shook his head. “You know I’m not talking about the fucking coffee. I’m talking about me showing up in your life, feeling like…I don’t even know how I feel about it.”
Blue eyes looked up, lost and uncertain. “What happened to us, Xan? I thought we were happy. Until that day, I thought you were happy. Why’d you…were you just pretending to want me?”
All the pain came flooding to the surface. If Spike had only known how it had killed Xander to watch him walk out the door. To let him go when all he really wanted to do was beg him to stay. But he couldn’t, because it wouldn’t have been fair. Not to someone as energetic and full of life as his lover had been.
So here they were, two years later and Xander decided again that a lie was better then the truth. “I was afraid.”
Re: Part 8
Finally, the talking like they should be doing...
Hurty and good.
*swoons*
I really need to collect these all up.
*hugs*
Part 9
“To spend the rest of my life with someone? Forever? I guess I got cold feet. I was just too stupid to talk to you about it.” It sounded like a good a story as any and Xander was hoping Spike would buy it.
“Forever was the bloody point. I thought its what you wanted! One week later and we would have been in Hawaii, properly committed, ‘til death do us part. Instead, I find you shagging that nancy-boy Aaron, Adam, whatever the bloody fuck his name was when we should have been packing our sodding suitcases!”
“Andrew.” His eyes were focused on the table, too ashamed to meet Spike’s.
Spike shook his head and picked up his cigarettes, tapping one out, letting Xander see the shakiness as he tried to light it. “Right. Andrew,” he repeated venomously.
Xander waited. He watched while Spike smoked, knowing the cigarette would calm him and then finally said, “It didn’t mean anything.”
The heated look Xander received could have melted metal. “Oh yeah, he was just the bloke you’d been shagging behind my back. The reason you threw away an entire bloody year.”
“Wil.”
“Unless, maybe you were talking about me…or us. Is that it, Xander? What we had didn’t mean anything to you?”
Xander’s eyes widened. “God, no! How could you even… of course you meant something! You were everything!”
“Funny way of showin’ it, mate.”
“I just… really screwed it up, didn’t I?” Xander asked with a sigh. “Didn’t know what I was doing.”
“Guess it doesn’t much matter now. Two years is a long time. Nearly forgotten about it before you showed up,” Spike lied.
Xander nodded. “I’m glad things are good for you, Spike.” He gave a half smile, not at all how he was really feeling. “Spike.” He let it slip off his tongue. “That still sounds weird.”
“But it was Spike that got me my first role. Not William.”
“Yeah. I know.”
The blond head tilted.
“I saw it,” Xander answered, staring into his coffee cup. “Actually,” he looked up, “I’ve seen ‘em all.”
With a raise of the eyebrow, Spike smiled.
“Everything except this one. I really didn’t know you were gonna be here.”
“Would you’ve taken the part if you’d known?”
Xander contemplated for a moment and then smiled. “I didn’t think so at first, but yeah,” he nodded, “I’m glad I did. At least for the chance to say I screwed up. And maybe for a chance to win your friendship back?”
“You don’t have to win anything, Harris. As bad as it was after…” Spike sighed and then took another deep breath. “Not being there was harder.”
“I never would’ve imagined my life without you, and you know what?”
Spike shrugged and Xander answered.
“It pretty much sucked.”
Re: Part 9
Yes yes!
*bounce*
*pets fic*
Part 10
Xander watched, cradling his pool cue as Spike sunk the last ball on the table for the third time in a row. When the blond head rose up, smirk planted firmly in place, Xander caught the glimmer of familiarity in the blue eyes. This was the person he’d known back then, when they were just starting out as friends. Before the relationship, before they became lovers, before they decided to spend the rest of their lives together, before… When everything was still right in the world.
“Fuck.”
“That’s three beers you owe me, Harris. Ready to quit embarrassing yourself yet?”
Xander answered with a shake of the head. “Just getting warmed up.”
“That was your excuse two racks ago. I think it’s time you just admit I’m better and cut your losses.”
Xander’s pout went unnoticed as Spike picked up his mug and downed the last of its contents. Taking Spike’s advice, Xander placed the cue in the rack on the wall and sat down on a stool in the corner. Spike joined him, motioning to the waitress, leaning over the table inches away from Xander. “It’s alright. She gives it to me for free anyway.”
They’d been spending time together in the two weeks since their talk at the coffeehouse. Rekindling a lost friendship, both easing back into the comfort of being around each other without any expectations. The past was left behind, each content to trade the old memories for newer, less painful ones.
“How is it that you can come in here and no one bothers you? Not a single picture? Autograph?”
With a shrug of his shoulders, Spike passed it off. “Used to me. Been thrown outta here more times than I can count. Just another bloke as far as they’re concerned.”
Xander smiled. “Is it hard?”
“What?”
“All the fans… always wanting something from you. Expecting… things.”
The smirk fell in place again as Spike reached for a cigarette. “Things, Harris?”
“You know, expecting you to…unless…” He couldn’t say it, instead stopping short and hoping Spike would finish for him.
“You tryin’ to ask me if I shag ‘em?”
Xander had the decency to look ashamed, but nodded anyway.
Re: Part 10
*bounce*
Yes yes!!
*hugs you*
Part 11
Every night for three weeks, Xander and Spike would either leave the studio together or meet up shortly afterward. They’d usually grab a burger and end up at one of the local bars, shooting pool and drinking their fill. Tonight, though, Spike had different plans.
“Oh, C’mon. I come here all the time.” He scaled the wall and made it over the wooden fence, landing with a thud on the other side.
Xander cautiously did the same and wound up eating dirt as he tumbled over. Choking and coughing, he heard Spike laughing behind him, even as a hand was held out to help him up. Brushing off his jeans, Xander finally took notice of where they were.
“Wow. This place is…”
“Incredible. I know.”
Xander glanced around in amazement at the show of forgotten antiques. “What is this place?”
“A graveyard, of sorts,” Spike answered, moving forward deeper into the fenced in area. “Old cars, mostly antiques… abandoned and forgotten.” He ran his hand along the hood of a black business coupe, stripped down inside, left mostly intact outside.
“God, they’re beautiful.” Xander smiled, following Spike through the masses of deserted vehicles.
“I thought you’d enjoy this.” Spike stopped and leaned against a blue and white ’56 Chevy to light a cigarette. “I remember your passion for old cars.”
“I can’t believe they’re just sitting here!”
“People move on. Newer, better…faster.” Spike began walking again, leaving Xander to follow behind him. “In fact…” He reached his destination and jumped up to sit on the hood.
Xander’s eyes widened. “It’s your car! You brought the Desoto here?”
Spike shrugged. “Seemed the proper place. She was old, was costing me a small fortune to keep ‘er runnin’.”
“But, the Desoto. She was your baby.” Xander let his hand run along the edge of the front bumper and then stepped up, joining Spike to lie back against the windshield.
“Me and her… had some memories, that’s for sure.”
Xander chuckled and moved his hands to rest behind his head. “I remember making a few memories of our own.”
Spike grinned and flicked the finished cigarette to the ground. “Shagged you for the first time in this bloody car.” He shook his head and closed his eyes, taking a long, deep breath. “If the back seat could tell stories…”
A giggle came from beside him. “We’d probably be arrested.”
A smile ghosted on Spike’s lips and then slowly died. “Yeah, well. She’s just a heap of junk now. Like I said, people move on. Got myself a better model.” He stared up, gazing at the clear sky and stars above them.
The silence between them became uncomfortable as they both sought out their own thoughts. After a deep sigh, Xander cleared his throat, trying to find the place they’d made it to where the pain wasn’t so deep. “So, you come here often?” He chuckled at the cliché, trying to lighten the mood.
Spike’s thoughts didn’t budge. “Sometimes, when I want to think. And remember.”
“Don’t…” Xander pleaded.
“Do you ever think about us at all? Wonder what it would have been like? Because I do. I said I’d gotten over it, over you. But that’s impossible.” He sat up, turning his body to face Xander’s. “I think about you all the bloody time, Xan. You’re inside me. You broke my heart and then kept all the pieces so no one else would ever have a chance.”
“Wil…”
“When you showed up, I was furious. Couldn’t stand the thought that I might see you with someone else. With him.” He reached out, taking a chance and ran his finger along Xander’s cheek. “I wouldn’t have been able to handle that a second time.”
Xander blinked and took in the smell of the leather Spike was wearing as he moved closer toward him. “I was afraid of the same thing. That I’d see you with someone,” he whispered.
Spike bit his lower lip and moved even closer, his mouth hovering against Xander’s. “Why don’t we make this right, pet?” Slowly, he brushed the lips he’d dreamt about for two years, lingering, until Xander began to kiss him back.
Re: Part 11
That's lovely, that is...
I was missing this!!
Thank you so much for posting more!
Am i a big dolt for not knowing who you are yet?
I prolly am.
:)
Thank you!
Part 12
Xander let his fingers wander, reaching inside the leather duster to grip Spike’s shoulders. Slowly, he slid the coat down Spike’s arms until it was discarded beside them on the other side of the hood.
“Never thought I’d feel you again. Kiss you…” Xander’s voice tapered off as Spike dove in again, his tongue circling the inside of Xander’s mouth. Another kiss, deeper and more forceful caused both men to moan.
As Spike’s knee moved upward, applying pressure, rubbing firmly against Xander’s groin, he felt hands underneath his shirt, fingernails lightly scratching along his spine. Spike groaned against Xander’s lips and changed position, sliding his free leg inside to meet the other. He placed his hands on either side of Xander’s head and lifted his upper body so the only part touching were their hips. He began rocking, sliding denim against denim, moaning each time he felt the growing bulge meet his own.
“Did you miss this, Xan? I can feel how hard you are. Feel your cock pushing against me…”
“Aahhh, Wil. You feel so, oh that’s so good.” He pushed his head up, trying to lock onto the kiss bruised lips as he began thrusting his hips in time with Spike’s.
“That’s it, pet. Rock against me,” he said, his voice low and seductive, barely a purr in Xander’s ear. “Almost as good as when you’re inside me.” He let his teeth scrape the sensitive lobe and added, “or you could just fuck me.”
Xander heard the word and his body froze. Panic took hold and he began pushing Spike away.
“No. We can’t… I can’t do this. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry, I just… I just can’t.” He chanced a look into Spike’s eyes and saw the confusion mixed with lingering desire. Desire for him. He blinked so he wouldn’t have to see the look and slid from the hood of the car. “We should never have… we shouldn’t have done this.”
Spike was still in shocked confusion, watching as Xander began moving away from him. “Xander?”
“I’ve gotta… I’m gonna go. Okay? I can make it to my car and I’ll just… I’ll see you tomorrow.” He wasn’t waiting for an answer, already moving quickly to the front of the junkyard.
“Xander! Wait!”
Xander ignored him and disappeared.
Re: Part 12
Ahhhhh!
Evol!
You are evol.
Part 13
He took another swallow from the bottle cradled between his legs and turned the television’s sound up louder to drown out the voices in his head.
Re: Part 13
*sob*
And you LEFT me there....
You are EVOL.
Part 14
The director, looking more than a little perturbed waved his hand toward the open set. “Not here. Had three scenes to shoot today, too.”
“What, he didn’t show up?”
The other man shrugged. “Sick. Or so he told Jennifer.”
Spike’s brow rose and he turned his head to find Xander’s assistant. “Look, I don’t think there’s much I can do around here. Mind if I take off?”
“Pfft. Might as well. The day’s a wash. Just show up tomorrow morning ready to get back on schedule.”
Within a few minutes, Spike had managed to finagle an address and was on his way to find out what exactly what the hell was going on with Xander.
He pulled up to the small hotel, hardly believing Xander would actually be staying at a place like this until he saw the blue Trailblazer in the parking lot.
Walking along the rooms until he found the number Jennifer had given him, he stood for a minute debating before finally knocking on the door. There was no answer, but the sound of the blaring television told him Xander was there. He closed his fist and banged louder and more persistant. Finally, footsteps padded toward him and the door flung open.
Spike stared. Xander stared. Turning away, Xander left the door open and retreated into the small room. Beer in hand, he flopped onto the bed, leaned back on the headboard and divulged his attention toward the tv.
Spike wearily walked in, closing the door behind him and noticed the room in full detail. Empty bottles filled the trashcan until it overflowed, leaving the remaining ones to lie where they landed on the floor.
“You look like hell.”
Xander held up the bottle in toast fashion and took a healthy swig. “Looks are deceiving.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Very perceptive.”
Spike shook his head and moved closer to the bed. “You stink.”
Xander lifted his arm and took a small whiff. “And your point would be?”
Without answering, Spike took a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and slid it between his lips.
“No smoking in here.”
He sighed and slipped it back into his pocket.
Xander’s gaze fell on his bottle. “It’s funny. Even after you left, I used to always sit in the smoking section. I guess it was just out of habit.” He glanced at Spike with saddened eyes. “And then I just kind of… stopped.”
“You wanna tell me what’s going on, Harris?”
He waited and watched as a frown appeared on Xander’s lips. “I made it up. All of it. Everything about Andrew."
"What are you on about?"
"I'm trying to tell you I never fucked around on you." Xander hesitated and his voice softened into a whisper. "Not until that day.”
Re: Part 14
Ack!!
The plot thickens!!!
*bounce*
Part 15
Xander shrugged. “I told you what you needed to hear.”
Spikes eyes narrowed. “What the buggering hell’s that supposed to mean?”
Xander calmly took another drink, tipping the bottle to finish it and then threw it beside the trashcan with the others. “I knew you’d forgive me if it was only once.” He chanced a look at Spike through eyes that held too many sad secrets. “I didn’t want you to forgive me. I told you what I had to, to make you leave.”
Silence enveloped them, Spike trying to comprehend what Xander was saying, Xander holding his breath, waiting for Spike to say something… anything. When nothing came, he moved, stumbling as he made his way to the extra bed. Slowly lowering himself down onto his knees on the floor directly in front of Spike, his hands slid to the sides of leather-covered thighs. As the first of many tears began to trickle, he turned his head sideways and placed it in Spike’s lap.
He sniffed and tried to talk, but his voice came out weak and shaky. “It killed me, watching you leave. It was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do.”
Spike took a few deep breaths, trying to keep it together while watching Xander loose his composure. He moved his hands, placing one on each side of the tear streaked cheeks and turned Xander’s head upward. He stared into those saddened eyes, blinking back his own emotions that were trying to break free. “I loved you, Xan. Just tell me... Why the lies?”
Xander closed his eyes, trying to hide from seeing the hurt.
“No. Open your eyes and look at me. Look at me and tell me why.”
“Wil…”
“No more excuses, Xander.”
More tears fell from Xander’s lids. He moved closer, easing his hands around to meet behind Spike’s back, gripping tight while trying to pull the other man toward him. “I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I just didn’t… I had to let you go. I didn’t want…”
Spike urged him on, his arms snaking around to rub circles against Xander’s back, shushing and trying to calm him. “I know. You were scared. You said that.”
“No. It was easier to tell you that, too.” His body shook, small tremors trying to subside as he finally opened up. “It was easier than trying to protect you. Trying to keep you from having to see…” He stopped, swallowing down the lump in his throat when he realized he couldn’t say it.
“See what, pet? Protect me from what?”
Xander’s hands squeezed harder against Spike’s back and he felt the arms around him take a stronger hold. “From me. I couldn’t take a chance, could never forgive myself…”
Panic rose inside Spike’s chest. An endless array of possibilities flashed through his mind and he stomped on all of them. Through gritted teeth, he managed, “Just say it.”
“I’m positive, Wil.” His head hung low, shading his eyes from Spike’s view. Barely audible, he repeated, “I tested positive.”
Re: Part 15
The 'cruel to be kind' thing....
Ack!!
Didn't work well for Lady Macbeth, Xander!!!
*bounce*
Wheeeeeeee!!