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Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 12:51 am
And, the next bit.
And because she was so amazingly helpful, please go take a look at [livejournal.com profile] kyrieane's lovely S/X fic To Break, To Mend. Absolutely gorgeous. Thanks, sweetie!

Spike stood in the doorway to his room, watching Xander. Xander, who was twisted up in Spike's covers, wrapped around Spike's pillow. *Silly git. And what if the Slayer or the Watcher walked in here? He'd probably have heart-failure, tryin' to explain...* Spike sighed and winced. Rough night, and his ribs ached, and his head, and his ass. *Fucker was out of control. Three more days. Three, that's all, then...* Spike smiled, imagining the carnage. He was going to pay every last one of that little clique a visit when the fucking chip was out.

But for now, he had a warm boy in his bed, sighing softly, hair tousled over his cheek and neck, hand loosely splayed on the sheet. Spike stripped and showered, looking with a slow, seething rage at the cuts on his thighs - the bruises everywhere. He wondered if the Slayer would notice - if she'd think they were from fighting or fucking. *Watcher might notice - but then, what could he say? Christ, hope Xander calms down today.* The boy's frantic heartbeat had driven Spike half mad - he'd listened to it from across the room and wanted to go to him - touch his cheek and run his fingers through his hair and tell him it was all right.

*Well fuck. I'm well and truly lost, now aren't I...? This is only going to hurt, damnit. So tired of hurting...* Spike toweled himself off roughly and stalked through the house to his room. The dim, saffron light of the rising sun was glowing behind his blinds as he curled into the bed behind Xander - snuggled close and took a deep breath of the sweet anise scent that was just him, was just Xander. Warmth radiating back to him and soaking into him and Xander stirred - sighed - inched closer.

"Spike," his voice fading and falling away, and Spike rumbled a noise down in his chest, purest pleasure. Xander jerked a little. "Spike?"

"M'here, pet," Spike murmured, kissing his shoulder and Xander stiffened for a moment and then wormed closer, his hand finding Spike's and pulling it up to tuck under his chin.

"Can't let them find me in here," he said, so soft, and Spike heaved a huge sigh, knowing the boy was right. But wanting just a little more - a little more of the heat, and the musky-sweet scent, and the faint salt and cloves taste of clean skin and soap.

"I know, love, just let me...just for a minute..." Spike whispered, and Xander nodded, making a little humming sigh of pleasure, one Spike couldn't help but copy. He closed his eyes and just held on.



Something - touching him. A rough, shaking grip and Spike flinched away - learned response, awareness rocketing to the surface. But not fast enough. A voice - 'Buffy, don't -!' Touch again, harder, and he snarled and lashed out, instinct taking over, sending his fist into a body that yielded with an 'ooof' of expelled air and then *no, no nonono!* acid and fishhooks, raking him from crown to heels and he shrieked, arching hard off the bed. His eyes snapped open but he only saw flashes and flares of red - sparks of white as the pain arced through him. Then it was done, over. His whole body felt as if it were on fire and he propped himself up on one elbow, gasping in a breath, pushing his palm hard into his forehead in an effort to make the jagged bursts of residual pain stop. Even the dimness of his room was hurtfully bright right at that moment and he closed his eyes. There was a confused babble of voices - Xander, Dawn, Buffy, Giles.

"Jesus, Buffy - told you not -"

"Buffy, you hurt him! I said I-"

"Guys, it's just Spike, he'll -"

"Isn't that a bit of an extreme -" And then Xander's voice over all, brittle with some emotion that Spike wanted desperately to be worry - to be...

"No, it's not extreme, Giles! I sill remember you almost clocking Willow that day when she surprised you in the library after - after what Angel did -"

"Angelus -"

"Whatever! The point is - we told you not to touch him, Buffy; we just call his name from over here and he wakes up. That way nobody gets hurt."

"Has someone been hurt?"

"Yes, Giles, Spike has been hurt." Spike felt a rusty, reluctant chuckle bubbling up in his chest and he stifled it. *That's it, boy - tell him! Why are you telling him? Did they find you in bed?* His brain felt sluggish and too bruised to work right and he flopped back down onto the pillows, inhaling the lingering traces of anise and salt that meant *always means* Xander. *Never gonna shake this, how'd I let him get IN so fast? Pathetic sod...anything for...* But he wouldn't let that word form even in utter silence behind closed lids and he sighed in relief as the voices moved away - as Buffy and Giles and Dawn left the house.

A moment later the edge of the bed sagged a little and he felt Xander's hand - hesitant and warm - stroking the hair back off his forehead - stroking through and through the rumpled strands.

"Sorry, Spike. I tried to stop her -"

"Mmm..." Spike opened his eyes and looked up at Xander - saw the defeated droop of his shoulders and the sadness that made his usually lively eyes dull and dark. "Not your fault, pet. Not much stops the Slayer when she wants to do somethin', you know? You tried. More than most would do."

"I... I just..." Xander seemed to be having a sudden rush of severe self-doubt and Spike curled himself around Xander's hip and thigh - put his head on Xander's knee. *Get what you can. I'll let him off the hook, make it easy.*

"Listen, Xander, you don't have to tell them - anything. You should just fly back with them. Easier all around, don't you think?" Spike felt Xander's hand stop - felt his body stiffen and his heartbeat skip up a couple of notches.

"But - but I -" His voice was shaky and Spike sighed.

"It's all right, pet, it'll be fine."

"Stop it. Stop it, Spike! Don't - oh, fuck!" Xander jerked himself away and stood up fast, pacing to the window. *That's it, then. Go on and spit it out, boy...* Spike curled into the lingering warmth left behind and rested his head on his folded arm. Trying not to look...as desperate as he felt.

"Xan -"

"No, wait. Do you want me to - to go back with them? I thought...thought you -" Xander turned away from the window, curling his hands into fists, obviously trying for some sort of control. "I thought - you wanted m-me -" He stopped then, just looking at Spike - looking with those dead eyes, the color gone under his tan so he looked ill - looked - broken.

*Oh, fuck. FUCK. It won't be good...can't be good...* Spike wanted to tell him 'no' - wanted to tell him go home to his family and his life. Wanted to - tried to. But what came out of his mouth when he opened it to speak was the truth, the damning truth and Spike was already seeing the miserable inevitability that would come from it.

"Course I want you, love. I'd be daft not to." Xander just stared at him - stared for so long Spike wondered what, exactly, had come out of his mouth. The life flooding back into Xander's face was - sunlight through mist, all glowing edges and soft shadows and Xander smiled at him - smiled and took five long strides to the bed and kneeled down, and put that smile and that sunshine straight into Spike with a kiss as eager as it was all-consuming. Spike gave himself up to it, not caring, anymore, where it all might lead. The now - was too sweet to be denied.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 06:02 am (UTC)
::resists the urge to stomp Buffy into goo::

Oh, I hope Spike gets that chip out soon because what he's doing is hurting them both so much.
But yay! Roadtrip!
Excitement ahoy. *g*
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 06:03 am (UTC)
Damn this is so beautiful and rich and I love the want and the need between the two bois. Lovely, really lovely.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 06:51 am (UTC)
beautifulgorgeouslovely, as always, baby.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 06:57 am (UTC)
Gah! More, please!

*stomps Buffy into the goo [livejournal.com profile] darkhavens refused to squash her into*
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 07:08 am (UTC)
Ohhh, I love this fic! More please!
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 07:19 am (UTC)
Why is Buffy such a pain? I just want them all to go away and leave Spike and Xander alone, but I suppose there's got to be some kind of confrontation, huh?. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 10:00 am (UTC)
Do I love this? Yes, I do!!

And I promise not to gush sickeningly like usual about every word you write.

But I did get a cramp of fear when I read about Spike getting the chip out in three days. I totally forgot he didn't have it out yet! I thought he did! I'm so afraid something's going to happen to keep him chipped, like he will be doublecrossed. I hate to think of him going through the hell of the payment for nothing! And yes, I know it's wrong for me to be rooting for a vampire to get all bitey again!! I'm sick, I need help! Or just more of this, preferably. :D
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 10:04 am (UTC)
Ha, didn't even see that there was more! *contented sigh* You, Oscar Wilde, and Niel Gaiman make my world go 'round. ;)

Which reminds me, I have a question about your original fic. Should I still be really confused half way through "Hounds?" I absolutely love the first part, "Soul." It reminds me a lot of something Niel Gaiman would right, but only in plot. The style is undeniably you. The imagery throughout the story (even the bits where I am clueless as to what's going on) is stunning, as always. But yeah, just wondering if I should still be confused. Not that I've had time to read if for a long time, now.

(no subject)

[identity profile] bloodroses27.livejournal.com - 2004-09-29 10:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 11:51 am (UTC)
Oh just beautiful, it's got this poignant feel to it which makes me want to cuddle them up and give them lots of hugs and hot chocolate.

Absolutely perfect Spike, I can almost taste how much he wants revenge.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC)
*sighs happily* and now I can make breakfast with a smile on my face!
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 01:32 pm (UTC)
But what came out of his mouth when he opened it to speak was the truth, the damning truth and Spike was already seeing the miserable inevitability that would come from it

thats it, right there. what it all boils down to, is truth. and the conseqences and rewards! there are so many layers to this, the surface...just story...then skimming under that is Spike's almost reason-for-being need for a family, and Xander's need to just belong somewhere, for his heart, not for what he can or cant do, or what he can bring to the table. but just because somebody wants him there bad enough to flay themselves open and expose thier own heart, and dawn's need to just be a girl, without all the gloom and doom and dire situations resting on her fragile shoulders. did i tell you i love this fic? yeah, i do!
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 03:38 pm (UTC)
You're so sneaky! I thought for a second there we were going to get the cliched "catch them in bed together scene" when Buffy was shaking Spike to wake him up -- I should have known better. So I guess we might get a big confrontation with Buffy and Giles some other day -- Xander will have to tell them pretty soon that he doesn't need that plane ticket!

So, so glad Spike didn't try to be all noble and send Xander away, thank you, thank you, thank you. My heart couldn't take it!
(Anonymous)
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 03:42 pm (UTC)
(Julia, here)

Such a lovely way to start the day; I was rereading Little Runaway a couple of days ago as a anodyne for brain ache brought on by too much utterly pedestrian S/X PWP and thinking "she says there'll be more, I have something to look forward to".

Thank you so very awfully much for the building tension between Buffy, Giles and Xander. It's going to be a heck of an explosion when it goes; four hurricanes in six weeks, two earthquakes a minute, and Little Runaway, the next part.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2004-09-30 03:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 04:49 pm (UTC)
Poor boys... so much pain for the both of them ::sad little sigh:: Love Xander's thinking in the last two parts sweetie, it's so...Xandery! ::grin::
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 05:03 pm (UTC)
Absolutely outstanding, nough said *smooch*
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 08:07 pm (UTC)
Do I love this? Yes, I do!!

And I promise not to gush sickeningly like usual about every word you write.

But I did get a cramp of fear when I read about Spike getting the chip out in three days. I totally forgot he didn't have it out yet! I thought he did! I'm so afraid something's going to happen to keep him chipped, like he will be doublecrossed. I hate to think of him going through the hell of the payment for nothing! And yes, I know it's wrong for me to be rooting for a vampire to get all bitey again!! I'm sick, I need help! Or just more of this, preferably. :D
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 09:24 pm (UTC)
But what came out of his mouth when he opened it to speak was the truth, the damning truth and Spike was already seeing the miserable inevitability that would come from it.

*sniffle*

No, Spike's wrong. He has to be. Everything is going to be fine. Yeah?

*whimper*
Thursday, September 30th, 2004 01:09 am (UTC)
Glad to see the latest updates. Things aren't looking so cheerful for our heroes at the moment but it'll be interesting to see what happens.
Thursday, September 30th, 2004 01:53 am (UTC)
Have been reading your work through bloodclaim for a while. And I am so so so happy to see this series return. Thanks for the most enjoyable reads.
Thursday, September 30th, 2004 03:12 am (UTC)
Really like this fiction and can't wait to see where it's going. P.S. Love your beautiful site.

Cindy lee
Friday, October 1st, 2004 03:49 am (UTC)
hey dear,
took me a couple days to be unswamped enough to read this, but clearly that's because i'd forgotten how much i love this fic, because if i had remembered, i'd have said to hell with sleep and homework and everything.
i love your xander and spike here. they're so needy it's heartbreaking, but i take comfort in the fact that they take comfort in each other.
so good, so so good. more, please...
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004 05:36 pm (UTC)
Awwww! So sweet, so nice. Protective Xander--that's right hon, stand by your man! Step up and let them know! *G*
Wednesday, October 6th, 2004 06:01 pm (UTC)
Ahhh - I love love LOVE this fic! But I'm gonna give myself an ulcer wondering what's gonna happen to the boyz.

Fuckin' Buffy! What - she's angry that Spike took care of her sister, didn't kill anybody, FREAKIN EXISTS - what??!!
*glares angrily in Buffy's direction*

Ye gods! I'm tense though, waiting for the confrontation, for Spike to get the chip out, for them to just be able to go already. AHHHHHHHH!!!!! You're killin' me! (in the good way)

I'd like the next bit, please. How 'bout now?
*hopeful look*
Sunday, November 7th, 2004 03:13 am (UTC)
Ooh, so I'm getting an early start on the feedback day. I read all of this in here, and all that you had of this story on your website (finally!) and: I effin' love it!

You have the most wonderful slow build from canon to a thoroughly believable Spander relationship. So many good lines, and good moments, I don't know where to start. You're good with the hurty emotional ache that doesn't ever cross the line to get overwrought.

The last image of part five, with Xander kneeling before Spike's chair, his hands in Spike's hair, their foreheads touching is beautiful. That's gonna stay with me for a while. I hope to see more of this story from you. (Is there more to come?)
Friday, December 31st, 2004 07:47 am (UTC)
"I thought - you wanted m-me -" He stopped then, just looking at Spike - looking with those dead eyes, the color gone under his tan so he looked ill - looked - broken.

*Oh, fuck. FUCK. It won't be good...can't be good...* Spike wanted to tell him 'no' - wanted to tell him go home to his family and his life. Wanted to - tried to. But what came out of his mouth when he opened it to speak was the truth, the damning truth and Spike was already seeing the miserable inevitability that would come from it.

"Course I want you, love. I'd be daft not to." Xander just stared at him - stared for so long Spike wondered what, exactly, had come out of his mouth. The life flooding back into Xander's face was - sunlight through mist, all glowing edges and soft shadows and Xander smiled at him - smiled and took five long strides to the bed and kneeled down, and put that smile and that sunshine straight into Spike with a kiss as eager as it was all-consuming. Spike gave himself up to it, not caring, anymore, where it all might lead. The now - was too sweet to be denied.


See? This is a large part of why I lurve you.