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Hallo -
Finally, here is some more of this - thanks, everybody, for being so patient.
:)
Part one is here and previous chapters of part two are here.
Waiting at the airport for Buffy and Giles to clear customs, Xander thought he might be sick. He didn't want to tell them - what he was going to tell them. He didn't want to see the looks he was sure he was going to get - the arguments. He just wanted them to collect Dawn and go. He'd never felt so rattled - so shaken - and it didn't help that he had a bruise on his forearm - a bruise from Spike. A bruise from sex and he kept running his thumb over it - pressing it very gently so he could feel that residual ache. Cuddling in Spike's bed that whole night - talking some, but mostly just breathing, just touching. They'd had sex again, somewhere in there - slow sex, with Spike on top of him, riding him, arching his back and pressing his fingers tight into Xander's chest. Murmuring to him in that honey-and-whisky voice, telling him he was lovely, brilliant, beautiful, oh beautiful, pet, so fuckin' good... It still made a pleasant, twisting shiver go through Xander's belly and groin when he imagined Spike's voice in his head, saying those things to him.
*God, is that another secret vampire power? That fucking VOICE? Jesus...*
Standing next to him, right up against the edge of where they were permitted to go, Dawn was practically vibrating with excitement. They'd sat down the night before and told her that Xander wanted to drive back with Spike - keep him company - and Dawn had been surprisingly okay with it. Xander had sagged with relief, and given her a hug, and she had gone off to go over her packed bags one more time, to see if she'd left anything out or could cram one more gift into them. And Spike had kissed him right there at the kitchen table, his mouth sweet with fresh coconut and palm fruit, his fingers tight on Xander's arm.
Xander sighed, and slid his hand away from the bruise, and suffered a poke to the ribs as Dawn saw Buffy and Giles striding forward with the crowd. They were at once completely familiar and at the same time utterly foreign. Xander felt the tension wind a notch tighter in his belly and he swallowed and grabbed Dawn's arm and pulled her around to where Giles and Buffy were coming through.
"Buffy!" Dawn threw herself into Buffy's embrace and they just stood like that, hugging, Buffy murmuring something into Dawn's ear and Dawn shaking - sniffling. Giles smiled on them for a moment and then he turned to Xander, and Xander saw something - shock? surprise? - go through his eyes.
"Xander - so good to see you! You're looking - remarkably well!" Giles held out his hand and Xander took it - shook it hard, wishing he could hug the older man but knowing Giles wasn't up for that.
"Hey, thanks, Giles! I guess. You - uh - you look the same." Giles didn't look the same, actually. There was a little more grey in his hair than before, but there was also...a lack of tension. As if Glory being gone and Dawn being safe and the Council coming around had eased something. Or maybe he was just glad to be off the plane.
"Xander -" It was Buffy, reaching out to him with Dawn still tucked under one arm and he went gratefully to hug her, wincing a little when Slayer strength squished his ribs but holding on tight for as long as he could.
"I can't believe - Dawn looks great! She's so tan! And I swear she's taller - so not fair!" Buffy's eyes were wet, and she wiped them with her fingers - laughed a little and wiped Dawn's cheeks as well, because Dawn was crying too. Then Dawn squealed and flung herself at Giles, hugging him, and Xander looked Buffy over. She looked the same - mostly. Her hair was shorter, and a little blonder. Her face was a little fuller.
*Council pay agrees, I guess. Better than some crappy minimum wage job.*
"You look great too, Buffy. How's everybody? How's Willow? Is she doing okay? And Tara?"
"Oh, Willow's great - you should see her! She got her hair cut, this cute little bob - " Chattering, they moved slowly away down the concourse. Buffy and Giles had only small carry-on bags, since they were leaving again the day after tomorrow. Dawn had insisted that stay just one day so she could introduce them to the neighbors and the ladies down at the market and the dress shop and the book store. And she wanted to take Buffy all over the city - show her how well she could get around - how well she could speak the language. Proud of herself, and wanting to show off. Spike had encouraged her in it, even though Xander had seen the twist of his lips when Dawn had first brought it up the idea of her sister staying.
They were taking the bus, something that made Giles' eyebrows go up, but he and Dawn were old hands, now, and Xander got them on the right one and into seats with ease. Dawn and Buffy just kept talking, with Dawn bouncing in her seat and pointing out the window - telling stories that she'd only get halfway through and then something would distract her and she'd be off again, making Buffy laugh. Giles watched them for a mile or so and then turned to Xander, his expression a little bemused.
"So tell me, Xander, how has it really been? How has - has Spike treated you?"
Xander blinked at the man and took a deep breath. "Well, like I said in the emails, Giles - Spike's been great. Working at that - that bar, taking care of the bills and getting our house... I got a job, too, but since I didn't have a passport or anything it was all under the table, you know..." Xander rubbed his thumb over the ridges of the calluses on his finger and palm from smoothing and sanding and finishing the pretty little details of the furniture he helped make. Custom stuff that was expensive and well made. But he still didn't pull in half the money Spike did. Not that he'd admit to that. He didn't think Giles would believe Spike could make that much at a bar. And the company he worked for installed things, too - custom built kitchens and things - and that was expensive in the States so Giles would believe he got paid more than he did.
"Carpentry, Willow said?" Giles gaze was mild, but the tension was back in him, just a little.
"Well, more like finishing stuff. Custom furniture and stuff like that. Detail work. I really like it." Giles nodded distractedly, looking out the window for a moment.
"And Dawn? How has he...treated her?"
"Like - like a brother, Giles. Look, is there some problem? 'Cause Spike's been great. Like I said." Xander felt his hand close down on his arm - felt the little soreness from the bruise. *And he's been letting me fuck him. And he kissed me - kissed me like... Like he WANTED me. Said I could come with him. Don't - don't make me mad at you Giles, please...* Giles sighed, rubbing his thumb over his forehead in a gesture so familiar that Xander felt a little pang in his heart.
"I just - well, it's just hard to believe that Spike, of all people..." Giles didn't seem to know how to finish that sentence and Xander didn't know how, either. Spike - was different. Had been different, all along, and the longer Xander had been with him, the more clearly he'd seen it. And the hate...had just made him so tired sometimes. Tired like he'd been around Larry, or his dad; you always had to be alert, on edge - waiting - for something awful to happen. And it never had, with Spike. Physically he'd never done more to Xander than knock him unconscious. *And he could have drained me on the spot, but he didn't. He dragged my unconscious body along to the factory and he let us go...he could have just LEFT us there, but he told Buffy where we were... And Glory...and coming here... And I can't tell Giles any of this. He'll think I'm nuts. Oh god - telling them is going to suck.* Giles seemed to be as lost in thought as Xander was and he was grateful that the rest of the trip was made in silence.
Walking down their street Dawn was practically dancing, pointing out the little park where she liked to have picnics, talking about the fireworks that had bloomed and burned over the Gulf. Buffy looked relaxed - she looked happy, and Giles was starting to unwind again and they were almost there when suddenly Serafina was popping out of the little courtyard to their house, a huge bouquet of flowers in her arms, her fancy go-to-the-dance white lace dress sparkling in the sun. She rattled off a greeting and presented the flowers to Buffy with a kiss and in the confusion of bouquet-giving and introductions and translations and Serafina's mother, for god's sake, coming out and shaking hands, Xander took a few steps away and drew in a huge, ragged breath, trying to calm down. He looked up at their house and - Spike was there, a pale and indistinct figure in the window that was his bedroom. Xander found his hand going up, unconscious gesture, and for a moment he thought Spike smiled. But then he was gone, the blind and curtain falling back into place and Xander sighed.
The house was a surprise for Buffy and Giles, Xander could tell. *What, did they think we'd be in some kind of...rattrap or something? I told them - * Xander smothered his irritation at their repeated 'THIS is where you live?' as they walked through the little, arching gateway and crossed the garden to the stairs, Dawn happily telling them about Spike helping her dig holes for the little fruit trees and flowering bushes she'd planted. The first floor was under construction - the landlord was doing some renovation - but being up on the second floor had always felt...safer, to Xander. Like a nest.
Going inside brought more exclamations from Buffy, but Giles seemed to shut down a little, his eyes flicking warily over the rooms. *Looking for Spike, that's what he's doing.* Spike, of course, delayed coming out, and when he did it was with a carefully blank look on his face and a stiff-backed prowl to the kitchen for whiskey. He leaned in the doorway, his eyes hooded and wary.
"Spike! Look what Serafina had for Buffy - aren't they beautiful? And her mother's invited us for dinner tonight - came you come?" Dawn displayed the flowers to Spike and his expression fell into familiar lines - affection and pride and pleasure.
"That was nice of her, Bit. I have to work tonight, but you go and have dinner," Spike said, touching Dawn's cheek and Xander saw both Giles and Buffy stiffen.
"You sure?" Dawn asked, pouting just a little, and Spike nodded.
"I'm sure. You should show big sis your room, Niblet - show her how pretty you made it." Spike's eyes flickered to Buffy and away, and Xander felt his stomach clench.
"Spike -" Buffy said, and there was a question in her voice - a question and anger and Spike slowly turned his gaze to her, the animation going out of his expression as if a switch had been thrown.
"Slayer," he said, and his voice held the faintest hint of amusement. And then he turned and went back into his room and shut the door, and Xander was pretty sure he was about to drop dead from a heart attack.
Dinner was wonderful - Serafina's mother, Ave Diosdado was an amazing cook - but Xander couldn't taste any of it, and he kept glancing out the Diosdado windows, wondering if he'd see Spike on his way out. But he didn't. The knot in his stomach had grown to epic proportions and by the time Dawn, Buffy and Giles were in bed - Giles was sleeping in Xander's room - he felt like he might be sick. He took a long, hot shower and then spent some time staring sightlessly at the television, hoping he'd fall asleep. But he couldn't, and finally he gave up with a sigh of disgust - fought his way out of the blankets he'd spread on the couch and wandered into Spike's room. The familiar, comforting scents of smoke and spice and leather enveloped him, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, breathing deeply.
*I've really - fucked up. I'm going to tell Buffy and Giles I'm not going back with them and...they're going to fight with me and...and how do I tell them why without telling them...? I think I'm...* Xander stopped that thought, and sighed, and closed his eyes - leaned over on the bed and curled himself around Spike's pillow. He'd just rest here for a while - relax. Then maybe he could sleep. In a few minutes his breathing had slowed to a steady rhythm, and he was asleep.
Next
Finally, here is some more of this - thanks, everybody, for being so patient.
:)
Part one is here and previous chapters of part two are here.
Waiting at the airport for Buffy and Giles to clear customs, Xander thought he might be sick. He didn't want to tell them - what he was going to tell them. He didn't want to see the looks he was sure he was going to get - the arguments. He just wanted them to collect Dawn and go. He'd never felt so rattled - so shaken - and it didn't help that he had a bruise on his forearm - a bruise from Spike. A bruise from sex and he kept running his thumb over it - pressing it very gently so he could feel that residual ache. Cuddling in Spike's bed that whole night - talking some, but mostly just breathing, just touching. They'd had sex again, somewhere in there - slow sex, with Spike on top of him, riding him, arching his back and pressing his fingers tight into Xander's chest. Murmuring to him in that honey-and-whisky voice, telling him he was lovely, brilliant, beautiful, oh beautiful, pet, so fuckin' good... It still made a pleasant, twisting shiver go through Xander's belly and groin when he imagined Spike's voice in his head, saying those things to him.
*God, is that another secret vampire power? That fucking VOICE? Jesus...*
Standing next to him, right up against the edge of where they were permitted to go, Dawn was practically vibrating with excitement. They'd sat down the night before and told her that Xander wanted to drive back with Spike - keep him company - and Dawn had been surprisingly okay with it. Xander had sagged with relief, and given her a hug, and she had gone off to go over her packed bags one more time, to see if she'd left anything out or could cram one more gift into them. And Spike had kissed him right there at the kitchen table, his mouth sweet with fresh coconut and palm fruit, his fingers tight on Xander's arm.
Xander sighed, and slid his hand away from the bruise, and suffered a poke to the ribs as Dawn saw Buffy and Giles striding forward with the crowd. They were at once completely familiar and at the same time utterly foreign. Xander felt the tension wind a notch tighter in his belly and he swallowed and grabbed Dawn's arm and pulled her around to where Giles and Buffy were coming through.
"Buffy!" Dawn threw herself into Buffy's embrace and they just stood like that, hugging, Buffy murmuring something into Dawn's ear and Dawn shaking - sniffling. Giles smiled on them for a moment and then he turned to Xander, and Xander saw something - shock? surprise? - go through his eyes.
"Xander - so good to see you! You're looking - remarkably well!" Giles held out his hand and Xander took it - shook it hard, wishing he could hug the older man but knowing Giles wasn't up for that.
"Hey, thanks, Giles! I guess. You - uh - you look the same." Giles didn't look the same, actually. There was a little more grey in his hair than before, but there was also...a lack of tension. As if Glory being gone and Dawn being safe and the Council coming around had eased something. Or maybe he was just glad to be off the plane.
"Xander -" It was Buffy, reaching out to him with Dawn still tucked under one arm and he went gratefully to hug her, wincing a little when Slayer strength squished his ribs but holding on tight for as long as he could.
"I can't believe - Dawn looks great! She's so tan! And I swear she's taller - so not fair!" Buffy's eyes were wet, and she wiped them with her fingers - laughed a little and wiped Dawn's cheeks as well, because Dawn was crying too. Then Dawn squealed and flung herself at Giles, hugging him, and Xander looked Buffy over. She looked the same - mostly. Her hair was shorter, and a little blonder. Her face was a little fuller.
*Council pay agrees, I guess. Better than some crappy minimum wage job.*
"You look great too, Buffy. How's everybody? How's Willow? Is she doing okay? And Tara?"
"Oh, Willow's great - you should see her! She got her hair cut, this cute little bob - " Chattering, they moved slowly away down the concourse. Buffy and Giles had only small carry-on bags, since they were leaving again the day after tomorrow. Dawn had insisted that stay just one day so she could introduce them to the neighbors and the ladies down at the market and the dress shop and the book store. And she wanted to take Buffy all over the city - show her how well she could get around - how well she could speak the language. Proud of herself, and wanting to show off. Spike had encouraged her in it, even though Xander had seen the twist of his lips when Dawn had first brought it up the idea of her sister staying.
They were taking the bus, something that made Giles' eyebrows go up, but he and Dawn were old hands, now, and Xander got them on the right one and into seats with ease. Dawn and Buffy just kept talking, with Dawn bouncing in her seat and pointing out the window - telling stories that she'd only get halfway through and then something would distract her and she'd be off again, making Buffy laugh. Giles watched them for a mile or so and then turned to Xander, his expression a little bemused.
"So tell me, Xander, how has it really been? How has - has Spike treated you?"
Xander blinked at the man and took a deep breath. "Well, like I said in the emails, Giles - Spike's been great. Working at that - that bar, taking care of the bills and getting our house... I got a job, too, but since I didn't have a passport or anything it was all under the table, you know..." Xander rubbed his thumb over the ridges of the calluses on his finger and palm from smoothing and sanding and finishing the pretty little details of the furniture he helped make. Custom stuff that was expensive and well made. But he still didn't pull in half the money Spike did. Not that he'd admit to that. He didn't think Giles would believe Spike could make that much at a bar. And the company he worked for installed things, too - custom built kitchens and things - and that was expensive in the States so Giles would believe he got paid more than he did.
"Carpentry, Willow said?" Giles gaze was mild, but the tension was back in him, just a little.
"Well, more like finishing stuff. Custom furniture and stuff like that. Detail work. I really like it." Giles nodded distractedly, looking out the window for a moment.
"And Dawn? How has he...treated her?"
"Like - like a brother, Giles. Look, is there some problem? 'Cause Spike's been great. Like I said." Xander felt his hand close down on his arm - felt the little soreness from the bruise. *And he's been letting me fuck him. And he kissed me - kissed me like... Like he WANTED me. Said I could come with him. Don't - don't make me mad at you Giles, please...* Giles sighed, rubbing his thumb over his forehead in a gesture so familiar that Xander felt a little pang in his heart.
"I just - well, it's just hard to believe that Spike, of all people..." Giles didn't seem to know how to finish that sentence and Xander didn't know how, either. Spike - was different. Had been different, all along, and the longer Xander had been with him, the more clearly he'd seen it. And the hate...had just made him so tired sometimes. Tired like he'd been around Larry, or his dad; you always had to be alert, on edge - waiting - for something awful to happen. And it never had, with Spike. Physically he'd never done more to Xander than knock him unconscious. *And he could have drained me on the spot, but he didn't. He dragged my unconscious body along to the factory and he let us go...he could have just LEFT us there, but he told Buffy where we were... And Glory...and coming here... And I can't tell Giles any of this. He'll think I'm nuts. Oh god - telling them is going to suck.* Giles seemed to be as lost in thought as Xander was and he was grateful that the rest of the trip was made in silence.
Walking down their street Dawn was practically dancing, pointing out the little park where she liked to have picnics, talking about the fireworks that had bloomed and burned over the Gulf. Buffy looked relaxed - she looked happy, and Giles was starting to unwind again and they were almost there when suddenly Serafina was popping out of the little courtyard to their house, a huge bouquet of flowers in her arms, her fancy go-to-the-dance white lace dress sparkling in the sun. She rattled off a greeting and presented the flowers to Buffy with a kiss and in the confusion of bouquet-giving and introductions and translations and Serafina's mother, for god's sake, coming out and shaking hands, Xander took a few steps away and drew in a huge, ragged breath, trying to calm down. He looked up at their house and - Spike was there, a pale and indistinct figure in the window that was his bedroom. Xander found his hand going up, unconscious gesture, and for a moment he thought Spike smiled. But then he was gone, the blind and curtain falling back into place and Xander sighed.
The house was a surprise for Buffy and Giles, Xander could tell. *What, did they think we'd be in some kind of...rattrap or something? I told them - * Xander smothered his irritation at their repeated 'THIS is where you live?' as they walked through the little, arching gateway and crossed the garden to the stairs, Dawn happily telling them about Spike helping her dig holes for the little fruit trees and flowering bushes she'd planted. The first floor was under construction - the landlord was doing some renovation - but being up on the second floor had always felt...safer, to Xander. Like a nest.
Going inside brought more exclamations from Buffy, but Giles seemed to shut down a little, his eyes flicking warily over the rooms. *Looking for Spike, that's what he's doing.* Spike, of course, delayed coming out, and when he did it was with a carefully blank look on his face and a stiff-backed prowl to the kitchen for whiskey. He leaned in the doorway, his eyes hooded and wary.
"Spike! Look what Serafina had for Buffy - aren't they beautiful? And her mother's invited us for dinner tonight - came you come?" Dawn displayed the flowers to Spike and his expression fell into familiar lines - affection and pride and pleasure.
"That was nice of her, Bit. I have to work tonight, but you go and have dinner," Spike said, touching Dawn's cheek and Xander saw both Giles and Buffy stiffen.
"You sure?" Dawn asked, pouting just a little, and Spike nodded.
"I'm sure. You should show big sis your room, Niblet - show her how pretty you made it." Spike's eyes flickered to Buffy and away, and Xander felt his stomach clench.
"Spike -" Buffy said, and there was a question in her voice - a question and anger and Spike slowly turned his gaze to her, the animation going out of his expression as if a switch had been thrown.
"Slayer," he said, and his voice held the faintest hint of amusement. And then he turned and went back into his room and shut the door, and Xander was pretty sure he was about to drop dead from a heart attack.
Dinner was wonderful - Serafina's mother, Ave Diosdado was an amazing cook - but Xander couldn't taste any of it, and he kept glancing out the Diosdado windows, wondering if he'd see Spike on his way out. But he didn't. The knot in his stomach had grown to epic proportions and by the time Dawn, Buffy and Giles were in bed - Giles was sleeping in Xander's room - he felt like he might be sick. He took a long, hot shower and then spent some time staring sightlessly at the television, hoping he'd fall asleep. But he couldn't, and finally he gave up with a sigh of disgust - fought his way out of the blankets he'd spread on the couch and wandered into Spike's room. The familiar, comforting scents of smoke and spice and leather enveloped him, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, breathing deeply.
*I've really - fucked up. I'm going to tell Buffy and Giles I'm not going back with them and...they're going to fight with me and...and how do I tell them why without telling them...? I think I'm...* Xander stopped that thought, and sighed, and closed his eyes - leaned over on the bed and curled himself around Spike's pillow. He'd just rest here for a while - relax. Then maybe he could sleep. In a few minutes his breathing had slowed to a steady rhythm, and he was asleep.
Next
I <3 you!
Also, new chapter of Changes. Let me just say how much I love you for Andrew dying rather than Jonathan! I love Jonathan dearly, and Andrew has never been anything more than a running joke, in my opinion. I had to read it in a hury, and I don't remember what else I wanted to say about it. Grr.
I haven't had a chance to get caught up on Credence. Stupid classes on top of working 40+ hours a week. It rather cuts down on my fanfic time.
Re: I <3 you!
It's the details that make the whole better, i think. Of course, i could get LOST in the details...
And thanks for the Changes-love! Hee. Andrew just had to go - he was EVOL. Killing his best friend for Warren. *shudder*
Damn. You need a sugar daddy so you can quit work and just read!!
Hehe.
Thanks, bay-bee!
Re: I <3 you!
Naa, you're good. Once you become Anne Rice and take five pages to describe a bar, well, then you know it's time to cut it back. ;)
You need a sugar daddy so you can quit work and just read!!
I like the work, what I need is a sugar daddy to pay off my student loans from DePaul so I don't have to take classes at the community college...and maybe go to part time. Then I can read. ;)
Re: I <3 you!
Anne Rice. I've given up.
Hey, when i win the lottery? Stipend for all the writers i love!
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*proper review in next one, but needed to stop and tell you I love this line: A bruise from sex and he kept running his thumb over it - pressing it very gently so he could feel that residual ache. *
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*bounce*
Yah, i liked that line, too.
:)
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