This post is *that* post....

[tabaqui]

This doesn't happen often here, i know, 'cause i tend to be oblivious to most LJ wank, kerfuffles and explosions. But i happened to step right into this one, so i felt like i should speak up.



Yes, thenyxie is on my flist. Yes, i saw her first post about all this and posted a comment in support of her. My impression from her post was 'anonymous people in this anonymous hate meme are slandering me/my SO! Wincon has banned me over it!!'

Which seemed monstrously unfair and hinky and *weird*. And i said, in essence - 'i sure as hell hope the Wincon people have some kind of proof besides anonymous gossip! And they better pony up!'

Now, yes, that reads *very poorly*. My bad. I did not, do not, and will not ever advocate the 'outing' of people who have been assaulted or attacked. Unless you're sitting in a witness box in a court of law, you are not obliged to stand on a street corner and shout to the world that you have been attacked. I really envisioned and hoped that the Wincon people and Nyxie would privately get together online and explain the situation without revealing the names of anyone who didn't feel okay being public. If you're accused of something, you *do* have the right to the details of the accusations, though not a list of names so you can 'sue' anyone, or sic lawyers on them.

I now know many more details, and am...not happy at all with how this was presented, or how it played out. I will not delete my comments, because they're mine and i own them, but i did want to make clear my 'stance', for lack of a better word.

I'll talk about this, if you think it needs more talking. Myself, i don't want people driven off LJ with flaming torches and pitchforks, any more than i want them driven away from a convention because they're afraid of what might happen.

What i want is for people - myself included - to stop and think before they talk, and make sure they have all the facts first. I know i should have.

Comments

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: Done that myself in the past more than once; spoken up with an almost automatic, unthinking support and then realized I hadn't seen the big picture and...yeah.

[sweptawaybayou.livejournal.com]

*squish*

been there. done that. more than once, unfortunately.

the only good thing? i found out who my *real* friends will always be.

do. not. get. involved.

... unless it's your bff. then, all bets are off.

xoxooxoxoooxox

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

As soon as I saw the comments, I knew you'd make this post, and probably sooner than later. Because you're smart, empathetic, and honest, and capable of reflection.

So we all should be.

Julia, good for you.

[tabaqui]

Yeah. I mean - i defend my friends! It's what i do! But sometimes, i need to *think* first.

*hugs back*

[tabaqui]

THIS. So this.
*smooches you*

[tabaqui]

Aw, thank you. I like to think i learn from my mistakes.
:)

[andreth47.livejournal.com]

You're a rock star, bb.

[onelittlesleep.livejournal.com]

Can I just state for a fact, because it needs to be clear, that the Wincon people DID NOT publicize any of this and that thenyxie is completely responsible for ALL of the public spectacle that ensued after the banning. From what I know, the wincon people were perfectly willing to hear her out and talk this all through with her through email, and that she basically tossed discretion by posting her first rant.

I think it's VERY IMPORTANT to point out that the wincon people have acted only professionally on this matter and have let their policy speak for itself, without saying anything else about thenyxie and the subject of Wincon '08.

[marciaelena.livejournal.com]

((((((HUGS))))))

That happens to everyone, hon. The important thing is to realize we made a mistake, and yes, to own up to it.

I love you and admire you for the amazing person that you are, and I don't see that ever changing.

[brihana25.livejournal.com]

You don't know me from Adam, I'm sure, but I've always had a ton of respect for you. I had a feeling at the time that this is what had happened, and I don't think anyone can or should fault you for it.

And for what it's worth, the respect I have for you has increased tremendously.

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

Hey, the first impulse of most friends is to jump in and defend them. What kind of bud would you be if you didn't?

You are very classy, m'dear. Brava.

[tabaqui]

OH yes. Wincon was very professional, calm, and to the point. They totally handled it the way they should have. No black marks for them at all, from what i've read.

[tabaqui]

I calls 'em like i sees 'em. :)

[tabaqui]

Yup - pretending it didn't happen or trying to twist it around to 'but, no, wait!!' just ain't gonna cut it.

*smooch*

[tabaqui]

Hey, thank you, i really appreciate that. I'm not comfortable with being wrong, heh, but i'm *really* not comfortable with being wrong in a way that fucks other people up.

I appreciate you making this comment - thanks. :)

[tabaqui]

Yup - it's what you *do* for your friends. And i'd hate to be a person who didn't at least have the impulse. Just gotta let the follow-through time get a little longer until i know for *sure*.
:)

Thanks, bb.

[mimblexwimble.livejournal.com]

People like you are amazing. I respect you so much for this post.

[tabaqui]

Thank you! *Not* making this post would have made me feel very ucky.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Dude. This took some balls. Way to go, Tabaqui.

[minim_calibre]

You've got guts and class, honey.

[ruthless1.livejournal.com]

I said it once and I'll say it again - it's good to see you here. I am a megalurker and I didn't want to ever have to stop lurking in your journal. You are brave. And classy and a great defender of your friends. If I hadn't already known what was going on - I probably would have jumped in too.

[innie_darling]

I'm happy to know you.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

Done that myself more than a few times.

(((hugs)))

[sistabro]

you don't know me from, well, any other random person in this crazy crazy fandom. But total props for being classy and brave and you know, human, and saying yes, I made a mistake and I am sorry and I will own it and try to learn from it. *applauds*

[too-rational.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You did good, darling. You spoke too soon and without knowing all the facts, but it was done in defense of a friend (something that I, myself, would probably do reflexively, if I wasn't so obsessively 'know all the facts/big picture before you even think of opening your mouth'; which, in turn, ends up with me not talking about some things at all, or not reacting when I should; but that's a whole 'nother issue); and more, once you got all the information that were available, you posted this.

I have even more respect for you now, for being brave and fair and willing to say 'my bad'. Stuff like this really reveal peoples' characters, and yours is very shiny. ♥

(Do you want virtual cookies or virtual candy? You get to CHOOSE. =D)