Resting comfortably in my handbasket...'Bloody Odin!'

[tabaqui]

I blame Crazydiamondsue
and Secondverse. All. Their. Fault.

Well, okay, and ladycat777 bears some blame, too, with her Alex and Will's Excellent Adventure.

And also reremouse cause she is the Best Worst Enabler Ever!

This? This is time-travel fic. Spike and Xander and Vikings! And Viking!Spike and Viking!Xander.
Oooh, yes.

*crazydiamondsue is responsible for the name, too*





"Recessim, recessim, recessim!"

The swirling, sparkling cloud of dark energies flared - slowed - faded. Willow let out a huge sigh and swayed drunkenly. Tara and Buffy each got a hand under an arm and guided Willow to a chair.

"You okay, sweetie?" Tara asked, dabbing at Willow's bloody nose.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Willow said - closed her eyes for a moment and then sniffed, grimacing. "Except for this really bad headache -"

"Oh good Lord," Giles said suddenly, and all three women looked over at him.

"It's really not that bad, Giles. I mean - a couple or six Extra-Strength Tylenols and -"

"No, no, not your head. That." Giles was staring fixedly at the center of the chalk-drawn circle on the Magic Box floor. The slightly scorched, smudged circle where only moments before Xander and Spike had been standing. Staring at the abandoned satchel, the still-laced boots - the empty, crumpled clothing and the very definite lack of Alexander L. Harris, Esquire and William the Bloody.

"Oh - damn -"



"Bloody - fucking - Christ."

"I'm naked! Why am I naked? Oh my god, it's like the Terminator!" Xander flailed, wincing as bits of - stuff - poked him in parts of his anatomy that normally shouldn't be getting poked by bristly, poky - things. And there was a strong smell of - manure. He rolled away from a particularly spiny bit and rolled onto Spike, who grunted and heaved him away.

"For fuck's sake, keep your knees out of my goolies. Bloody witch and her bloody spells and her bloody not knowing what the bloody hell she's doing." There was a crescendo of crackling and rustling and then a thump. Xander felt carefully and found an edge - peered over. Moonlight hazily lit the dirt below, gleaming off of Spike who was spread-eagled and motionless.

"Spike! Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. I'm naked in a sodding byre, lying on a damn dirt floor that stinks of cow shite with dead bracken jammed in my arse. Never been fucking better."

"Oh. Then - wait. You're saying you're actually not okay."

"I'm not hurt." Spike continued to lay there like a bleached and dying starfish and Xander looked around. There were strips of wood - what looked liked split tree branches - fastened somehow to the stone wall to his left and he crawled over the crackling straw and swung carefully out, bare toes clinging to the rough bark. Once he reached the ground he went to Spike and stood over him, looking down. Spike looked up.

"Since you're not hurt are you gonna get up?"

"You're so bloody sympathetic to my plight."

"You don't have a plight." Spike shot Xander a filthy look. "Okay, okay, you do have a plight but we're sharing the plight. So get up, already. We need to -"

"Need to wind Red's entrails out on a stick and make her dance," Spike growled, but he got up, brushing distastefully at the dirt that clung to him. "Give me a hand, why don't you?"

"It's just dirt," Xander muttered. "Oh, eww, it's not just dirt. Water. We need water, right now, and lots of soap!"

"Can hear the ocean - care to go for a dip?"

"There are supposed to be people - they'll have soap and hot water!"

"And they'll be so happy to welcome two naked, shite-covered strangers into their homes and offer them soap!"

"Hey! I'm not - oh - crap." Xander looked down in disgust at the seed-flecked mound he'd inadvertently put his foot into.

"Are so. Right." Spike suddenly seemed more cheerful and Xander glared at him. "Let's see where the witch dropped us, then. And it's not like the sodding Terminator. I got through, didn't I? So it's not 'nothing dead'."

"Yeah, but you're not exactly dead dead. I mean, if you get hurt you heal up, and you eat, and everybody including Dawn knows you come, which you are still not forgiven for -"

"Oh, shut up," Spike muttered, and turned around. Face to face with a small, shaggy cow. "Bloody hell."


Part two.

Comments

You don't have a plight!

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God. Babylon, Dogs of War, Letters, et al, I don't know that I've ever loved you more. That may be the best intro ever.

"I'm naked! Why am I naked? Oh my god, it's like the Terminator!" Xander flailed, wincing as bits of - stuff - poked him in parts of his anatomy that normally shouldn't be getting poked by bristly, poky - things. - Terminator!!

Spike continued to lay there like a bleached and dying starfish and Xander looked around. - That's a just great image. I love Xander's cluelessness and Spike's annoyance. There's nothing I will not do for you to finish this. It may involve me finally writing the Spike/Xander/Oz I've been promising you for like, ever...really, really wonderful writing. And the fun!!!

Re: You don't have a plight!

[tabaqui]

Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!
*bounce*

Dude.

OMG - i don't WRITE like this, this is...is...
It's all your fault.
:)

*smoooooch*
Thanks!!!

I will be writing more. I promise.

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

(giggling to hard to write brilliant insightful commentary)

Julia, and somehow I suspect the choice between being coated in fermented cow shit and taking a plunge in the North Sea isn't going to be satisfying to either of them

[tabaqui]

*snerk*
BWAAAAAahahhaha.

*ahem*
:)

[rayne-y-daze.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is just too funny! Looks like you can write anything. :-)

[tabaqui]

Heeeeee.
Thank you so much!
:)

[riani1.livejournal.com]

Oh. Dear.

I reserve further comment.

Oh. Dear.

[tabaqui]

*bounce*
*snickers*
:)

[vampirefever.livejournal.com]

Spike and Xander and vikings, I think I'm in heaven.
Although from the smell of it, I don't think it's Valhala where the boys have landed *g*
Is there more? Have you written the next chapter yet?
*bounces like a demented puppy*

[tabaqui]

Hehehe.

Well, not exactly Valhalla, no.
:)

More soonish!

[writan-bur.livejournal.com]

OMG!

I absolutely love you!!! *snogs madly*

This is priceless! I want more!!!

[tabaqui]

Heee!
Thank you!!
:)

*bounce*

[eyezrthewindows.livejournal.com]

*snickers* Terminator! Covered in shite! Naked!

Really like this. Will do something dire if more is not posted soon.

[tabaqui]

*pet pet*
No, nothing dire!
More soon!
:)

[outsideth3box.livejournal.com]

"Need to wind Red's entrails out on a stick and make her dance,"


Bwahahahahaha!

I am so very glad I wasn't drinking anything when I came to that line!

Love you soooooo much, ::Hugs::

[tabaqui]

Heee.
Thank you thank you!
*smoooch*

[mythologian.livejournal.com]

*rotf* god the image of nekkid Spike and Xander arguing while in a barn kills me ... there will be more right?

[tabaqui]

Heeee.
Yes yes - more!
:)

[sweptawaybayou.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahaha!

Terminator. *dies* Can't wait to see where this one is going.

*smooches*

[tabaqui]

*smooooooch* back!
Thanks, bay-bee!

[txrabbit.livejournal.com]

Oh man, trouble!

I knew when I read the challange that I would be laughing, but this is priceless! Keep it up, love!

*snogs*

[tabaqui]

Heeee.
Thanks, bay-bee!
*smoooch*

seed-flecked mound?

[perfectwhorl.livejournal.com]

Hey TQ,
Is this an intro to something bigger? *hopeful*
Promises to be another good one...and, um...Spike said 'shite' :D haha
xxxxxxxx

Re: seed-flecked mound?

[tabaqui]

Hey, bay-bee!
:)

Well, yes, gonna be some more.

[authoressnebula.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh. This is absolutely perfect and priceless and now I know how I'll get my tabaqui fix of fic, since NMSnL seems to be over (except for an epilogue, which I'm still waiting on).

Loved all the swearing from Spike about the bloody this and bloody that. It made me laugh. ^_^

~Nebula

[tabaqui]

Hehe.
Thank you thank you!
:)

[cleeaz.livejournal.com]

This is great should be interesting to see how the superstitious Vikings view having a vampire among them. Can't wait for more.

[tabaqui]

Thanks! I wonder, myself...
:)

[allegraconbrio.livejournal.com]

Heee! Fun, fun, fun. *g*

[tabaqui]

Thanks!

[taruma16.livejournal.com]

OMG!!!
This is freaking hilarious!!!
And it's not like the sodding Terminator. I got through, didn't I? So it's not 'nothing dead' Who is the geek here? *g*
More, please?

[tabaqui]

Heeee.
Thank you thank you!
:)

[darkhavens.livejournal.com]

There was a crescendo of crackling and rustling and then a thump. Xander felt carefully and found an edge - peered over. Moonlight hazily lit the dirt below, gleaming off of Spike who was spread-eagled and motionless.

Oh, gods, I needed this. I'm sitting here giggling like a loon, for which I thank you muchly as today was hell day at work. British holidaymakers and foreign tourists all over the place and just the two of us in the shop. I was achy and grouchy and sore and then I read this and now I'm achy and grouchy and sore but I don't care because I have a dopey grin on my face. :D

[tabaqui]

Yay!!
So glad i could help, bay-bee.
:)
*smoooch*

Thank you!

[sin-of-pride.livejournal.com]

I'm absolutely gobsmacked. I mean, really, how the hell do you do this? Manage to write plot after plot after plot, finishing all your projects, doing a brilliant job in all of them, and writing a thousand different scenarios, all just as good or even better than the last?

*Shakes head* I am green of jealousy of you, but I like you too much to care :) Green's a good colour for me...

Yours Truly

[tabaqui]

*pet pet pet*
You look LOVELY in green!

:)

Thank you so much, bay-bee!
I'm glad you liked it.

This is FUN, so i'll be writing more.

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

*sporfle*

*cackle*

::reads selected passages out loud to the mom unit, who laughs::

[tabaqui]

Wheeeeeee!!
The mum unit!

I hope i didn't offend with the cursing!
*blushes*

[(Anonymous)]

more, i say. more!

[tabaqui]

Heeeeeeeee.
:)

[anelith.livejournal.com]

"Are so. Right." Spike suddenly seemed more cheerful and Xander glared at him.

Of *course* Spike's more cheerful now that Xander shares his, um, plight. Thanks for so many laughs in what promises to be a sure-fire antidote to the summertime blues, Tabaqui! We all need some fun. Yay!

[tabaqui]

Hehe.
Thank you thank you!
:)

[brandil.livejournal.com]

The Terminator line slayed me. Fabulous as always.

[tabaqui]

Thank you thank you!
:)

[(Anonymous)]

*falls over in hysterics* Crap, shite, COWS! *laughs harder* Starfish Spike, poky bits *wipes tears from eyes*

everybody including Dawn knows you come, which you are still not forgiven for -" *clutches sides and howls harder*

*smooches for the needed laughs*
Kat Coll

[tabaqui]

*snerk*
Hey!
I'm glad you enjoyed it, dude!
:)

Thanks so much!

Oh, eww, it's not just dirt.

[somecandytalkin.livejournal.com]

Spike suddenly seemed more cheerful and Xander glared at him.
Hahahaha! I love this! Very, very fabulous!

Re: Oh, eww, it's not just dirt.

[tabaqui]

Heeeeeee.
Thank you!!

[realtsunamigirl.livejournal.com]

You mad, crazy thing you!

Lovin' the Spiky starfish routine:-)

Normally time travel fics make me wince because the history is so very, very bad. But I have faith you're going to do your research because you are the very, very bestest Miss Tabs possible, and I mean that in a sincere and non-Rousseau-ian fashion.

Please, please, please.

[tabaqui]

Heeeee.
The research goes apace!

I will do my very best.
Thank you !!