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Friday, August 12th, 2005 07:53 pm
I know, i know - what's the deal? First Lindsey, now Angel. Heh. Can't help it. I was pondering the gypsy curse *'cause of season two Angel and the flashback/dream things with Darla* and this just sort of...hit me.

So - Angel/Buffy, not explicit but het. See what you think. Very short! :)
And don't worry - all sorts of lovely S/X simmering on the stove.






Lying with her in the bed, she smells of blood and sweat and rain. Faintly of some hot-house perfume and more strongly of lust. Dark makeup smudged under her eyes make them look huge and scared, but her hands on his back pull him close.

Her mouth has no fear - her mouth finds his, and his jaw, and his throat. Hesitates for a moment when no pulse beats against her questing tongue but then he's tasting the sweetness of her collar-bone, soap and her skin under his own tongue and her hesitation is gone.

Heat and rainwater and the lingering taint of the fight - decaying endorphins that make her taste of burnt sugar and citrus. Her hands are strong - her legs willowy and steely and open. Close clasp of muscle and bone drawing him further - drawing him in.

He looks down at her - studies her face. Her cheeks are still rounded like a child's - her hair wisping across her forehead where it's dried a bit. Mellow gold that makes him think for one moment of Darla and the pang that goes through him is bittersweet and hollow.

Instead he looks into her eyes. He is not there - not in the usual way. No reflection in those mirrors to the soul. But he is there. Like a light shining out of her as her lips part and her breath flutters, warm and coffee-mellow against his cheek. As the words tumble out, breathless catch and hitch as he moves - pushes - breaks the seal that made her sacred.

Now she's a different sort of holy - now she's the confessor who is taking his sin into her and transmuting it - changing it. Forgiveness and absolution in the press of thighs to his ribs - in the broken cry as he moves deeper - a little harder.

And at that moment - he sees it. Sees it all. Sees his future in her eyes as clearly as he feels it in the still, cold hollow of his chest. He will fight beside this gilded child and he will win. Win the battle...win redemption. He will be her strong right arm and the evils of the world will fall before them and one day - one day...

One day the light that shines from her will shine from him and he will be - reborn. Pure happiness - pure joy - makes him lift his head and cry her name - clutch her so fiercely that a normal girl would be broken.

But she isn't normal - isn't broken. She's strong and perfect and his, and he pulls her close and closes his eyes - buries his face in the silken web of her hair. She loves him - she trusts him. She - believes. And it's...the best thing in all the world.

Later, when she's lying snug in his arms and the pain lances through him, twisting him like a cloth, he's sure that this - is his redemption. He opens his arms to it - opens his eyes wide, so he won't miss a thing.

It's not redemption, not at all, but by then - he doesn't mind.
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 01:04 am (UTC)
It's not redemption, not at all, but by then - he doesn't mind.

Fuck. Me.

Perfection, babe. Absolute. I had to read it twice to pick up on all the nuances. The changes. The meaning. The reality of it. And now I'm going back to read it again. You've made me relive two moments in Angel's life by this one story. Amazing.

Thank you.

*adores you*
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 01:09 am (UTC)
Tabaqui has a fever. She wrote het. o.O
She's contagious, I read it.

different sort of holy nicenicenice.

*hugs you*
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 01:29 am (UTC)
Damn!

To be so secure in the knowledge of the future only to have it torn away and not care at all. Amazing, babe. Truly.
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 02:13 am (UTC)
This was wonderful! I've never read a fic about this moment but I think your interpretation is spot on. Really makes me feel for him and yet at the same time the inherent selfishness in it is so Angel.

And nice icon too :>
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 02:16 am (UTC)
Lovely, Tabaqui. Just as it must have been with all the religious imagery in his mind, as much part of him as anything else. The two of them are equally unprepared for what is going to happen next.
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 02:17 am (UTC)
Don't run from the het, baby. It is not something to fear and you do it so fucking well. Please. More. Do it again.

Just, you know, sayin'.

Writing het is not a bad thing, 'specially when it's you doin' it.

*snogs*
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 02:56 am (UTC)
Holy cow!

This is amazing! Just incredible... I don't even know whe
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 02:58 am (UTC)
sorry - my cat walked across my laptop. *blush* As I was saying, I don't even know what to quote - the whole things was perfect. Lovely view of that scene.
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 03:42 am (UTC)
I cannot believe how magnificent this was.

That last line *gut twisting*

Gorgeous prose as always
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 02:10 pm (UTC)
omigod.

I loved this.

loved.
loved.
loved.
this.

You and your heterophobia. You really must work past that, because despite your "het bores me, been there done that" litany, you write it so perfectly. There's a measure of depth there that shows because you have been there/done that.

Angel isn't my first choice in fanfic reading, but you writing man and woman, god... the thick, sweet aftertaste sits deliciously on my tongue as I write this comment.

Never should you exclude any man and woman pairing from your choice of plots, such bias is a crime against your own potential.
In these few short paragraphs, you have made me want her. Want him. Want to feel their mix. And want you. All in one short telling.
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 03:02 pm (UTC)
Holy crap-that was amazing. That was just incredible and your final line--damn! What a great look inside Angel. Thank you!
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC)
Oh. Wow.
I don't really know what to say because it's so different from what I usually read and I'm not really an Angel fan, but it's completely blown me away. I really enjoyed this foray into Angel's mind, his hope and the way he sees Buffy.

This slew me:
Later, when she's lying snug in his arms and the pain lances through him, twisting him like a cloth, he's sure that this - is his redemption. He opens his arms to it - opens his eyes wide, so he won't miss a thing.

It's not redemption, not at all, but by then - he doesn't mind.
Sunday, August 14th, 2005 12:07 am (UTC)
This is exquisite. Your prose is wonderfully descriptive, very emotive ... I love it! And that final line, that shift from Angel to Angelus - genius!
Sunday, August 14th, 2005 01:29 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this snapshot of Angel's experience, and think the characterization of that moment was right on target. I love that this is set entirely within a sexual encounter but while erotic, it's not about the sex at all.

Very nice ficlet.
Sunday, August 14th, 2005 03:55 pm (UTC)
Oh, that was fabulous! To me, this is now canon as to what that experience was all about. It wasn't just sex, it wasn't even sex-with-Buffy, it was what it *represented*. Truly excellent.
Monday, August 15th, 2005 01:04 am (UTC)
I think this is lovely. It's always nice to read something new about that moment and there are some wonderful images in this:

As the words tumble out, breathless catch and hitch as he moves - pushes - breaks the seal that made her sacred.

and this is particularly heartbreaking:
He opens his arms to it - opens his eyes wide, so he won't miss a thing.
because, of course, he didn't see it coming. (And neither did we!)

I'd love to archive this at Sublime (http://www.octavesoftheheart.com/sublime) if you'll let me.
Monday, August 15th, 2005 03:20 am (UTC)
Oh, wow: I'd forgotten this was on my flist when I came back from Oregon on Friday, and didn't have time to check the Sunnydale Herald until now. SWEET- and something to rec to the poor slash-averse who don't often get to read your stuff.

Love his moment of illusory redemption at the end.

Julia, should do a little real writing so I can do a Roseathon tomorrow...

Monday, August 29th, 2005 08:30 am (UTC)
I'm rather late to the party, but I must add another, "Gadzooks, you're brilliant!" to the collection. Your prose is so striking, and I love your concept.
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 02:51 pm (UTC)
I come here on a rec at [livejournal.com profile] chrisleeoctaves's journal.

This is wonderful! I love how it's explicit without being explicit (did that make sense?) (I think I mean that you place the characters mid-sex but the story is not about sex, it's not NC17)

and I've never though this before just now but I think that maybe, in some twisted way, there was a bit of redemption in that moment. Redemption the gypsies didn't want him to have and so they punished him for it. It certainly is not the kind of redemption he is looking for though.
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 04:03 pm (UTC)
it never really made sense to me that they'd put a loophole allowing the vicious monster they essentially neutered to be able to kill again. I mean, in terms of the happiness thing it makes sense but why allow him to kill more people just because he was able to overcome the pain of the curse?

and I think that Buffy completely and utterly giving herself to him was the curse breaker. That someone that he loved so much could trust him and love him so completely, so intrinsically let him focus solely on her, and forget all of his pain because he could live in her, through her, for just one minute and thus forget what he was without her. to me, that is one kind of redemption (although like I said before, it's not the redemption he is looking for, the making amends deal).