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Yes, another update!
I just...felt like it.
:)
And... I need some serious opinions, here. Is this just way, way too schmoopy, surgary, sweet? Not this particular chapter - although it, too - but the series as a whole? I love this story, but it's feeling odd to me just lately so - gimmie your best shots!
Not asking for reassurence - I like my writing and don't generally agonize over it too much. I just want to know if this seems too...good to be true. Too fast, too sweet, too...perfect.
Okay? Okay.
And - see this? <.................> That's the relative thickness of my skin, so don't be shy! I don't break easy and critical fb is GOOD STUFF.
Now then.
On with the show!
Previous bits are here.
The house was so quiet, after they left. Still. *Like a tomb,* Xander thought, which led inevitably to thoughts of Spike, the resident undead. *Doesn't even make me flinch, anymore. Undead. So what.* Xander stood on the balcony, knowing he was hiding, a little. It was just after nine in the morning and Spike couldn't come out after him - the balcony was flooded with the hard, hot sun of a late-summer day and it felt...really good. *But I'm still hiding. I'm alone with him now like I wanted to be but... What do we - do?* Xander felt just a little ridiculous but he couldn't force himself to go in, not just yet. He was still trying to process the morning, anyway. The goodbye scene which hadn't really been a scene but had been...something...
"Dawn, we have to go in ten minutes! Are you ready?" Buffy impatiently checks her watch - pats the row of luggage by the door and then looks up, frowning, as Spike as Dawn walk into the living room. Spike is saying something - talking low in her ear - and Dawn is sniffling already.
"Here now, none of that," Spike says gently, wiping at Dawn's face with his fingers and tucking her hair back behind her ear. Dawn just looks up at him, her eyes so big and hurt and lost, already. "Look, I've got you a present." Spike is holding a - book? No - more like an album and Dawn takes it with a look of surprise - sits down on the couch and opens it. Xander leans over to see and Spike just watches Dawn.
The album is full of pictures. The first is their house, and Xander recognizes the picture they saw in the want ad - how it was before. Only this is a color picture, probably the one the realtor copied to make the ad. The house looks so - barren. The next page is a new picture of the house, only this time it looks as if it were taken days ago, with the plants and trees and flowers that Dawn picked out and they planted together - with the old stucco re-painted a soft terra-cotta, the rails and little benches and gate and archway all done in the turquoise Dawn liked so well.
The rest of the pictures are the same - shots of the house as it was when they moved in - all dull walls and bare windows - and shots taken who knew when with the sun coming in soft and golden through the blinds, glowing on the walls. Spike's room in plum-red and amber, Xander's in the navy and cream and soft mocha-brown Dawn had persuaded him to. The gold and green kitchen, the bathroom all blues and pearls. And Dawn's room, yellows and creams and small, vivid bits of scarlet. Dawn wipes repeatedly at her eyes until she comes to the last page; herself and Serafina in their white party dresses, Xander and Dawn sprawled on the couch in 'movie-mode' and Spike, sitting and smoking at the kitchen table, small smile and tilt of his head. Then she just breaks down and sobs, and Spike moves instantly to kneel beside her and rub her shoulder - offer a tissue from the box on the end table.
"Please come back with us, Spike -" Dawn wails, and Spike looks taken aback - looks uneasily at Xander and hugs Dawn gently. Buffy is watching from the door and silently fuming - Giles is staring silently out the double doors to the balcony, probably not seeing the white-capped water of the Gulf or the ships that are churning slowly by, his shoulders tense under his light summer shirt.
"Now Bit, you know I can't. Can't leave my darling down here, can I? It'd be a heap of rust in a month, pet. I'll be back before you know it. Now pull yourself together, Bit; don't want to be all splotchy on the plane. Go wash your face, yeah?"
"Spike! Stop that! Stop trying to just - just -" Spike sighs, offering more tissues, and Dawn snatches a handful and mops her face.
"It can't be helped, pet, so better to just leave off, yeah? Just - don't think about it. Look - you've got pictures of all your hard work right here to show your mates back home. Bet they'll be askin' you to do their rooms up next, yeah? And Serafina said she'd come see you soon, and -"
"I’m not a CHILD, Spike!" Dawn says, but the wobble in her voice betrays her. She swallows and clenches her fists around the sodden tissues. "You don't have to distract me with - with TOYS." Her voice is hard but her hand is gentle with the album - closing it carefully and stroking its red leather cover. "This is really nice," she says, but then skewers Spike with a hard look. "You ARE coming back, right?"
Spike makes an astonished face - manga-eyes and open mouth - and Xander almost laughs. Buffy makes some sort of snorting noise.
"Bit! How could you? Would I lie to you?"
"Of course you would, Spike. It's time to go, Dawn." Buffy strides over and snatches the album - crams it into the top of Dawn's carry-on and jerks the draw-string tight. "Go use the bathroom if you need to, Dawn, the taxi's here and we have to go." Dawn stares up at her for a minute and then she grabs Spike in a huge, hard hug, burying her face in his neck. Spike shoots Buffy a glare - a kind of 'don't you DARE' look - and hugs her back just as hard.
"I'll miss you. Be careful and - and take care of Xander, please don't - don't let him get hurt. And - I love you, Spike," Dawn gasps out, then she's pushing to her feet and running for the bathroom and Spike is left crouching there, a look of utter disbelief and wonder on his face. Five minutes later they're gone, and Xander waves a last time from the balcony.
Xander shifted a little and sighed - leaned on the railing, idly watching the Gulf and a handful of gulls dart and dive, finding lunch in the sand near an outdoor café.
"Going to hide out there all day, pet?" Spike's voice was like a caress of cool velvet and Xander shivered a little - turned and looked into the house, waiting for his eyes to adjust. Spike was standing there in his oldest jeans and tightest t-shirt, his hair still mussed from his shower, his eyes sunk a little into bruised-looking sockets. Nobody had said a word about the ladder of cuts going up his arms, but now Xander felt a slow, twisting knot of anger in his gut. He pushed away from the rail and went straight up to Spike - hesitated for one long moment and then hugged him close. Spike's arms came up around him immediately and he made a small gasping sound.
"Fuck, you're so hot, that feels so good -" Spike was burrowing into him - getting his hands and arms up under Xander's shirt, searching for the sun-bought heat and Xander let him - pressed close and just held on.
"C'mon to bed with me, pet, yeah? You gotta start keepin' vampire hours an' I'm..." Spike didn't finish that but Xander knew what he was saying. Not 'I'm tired', although he probably was but; 'I don't want to be alone. I'm cold. I'm...lost.' It was how Xander was feeling anyway, and he went willing along with Spike to the warm, ruddy-gold of his room. Somehow, taking off his clothes didn't make him feel self-conscious anymore, and slipping into the musky, smoky nest of sheets and blanket was a relief. Spike pulled him on top - got arms and one leg around him and it was like a cocoon almost except Xander didn't care. He pushed his face into Spike's neck and just breathed in the scent that was rapidly becoming the scent of home to him - of comfort and safety.
"I hope Dawn's okay," he murmured, and Spike's arms tightened around him.
"She'll be fine, pet. Niblet's stronger than she looks. You'll see." Spike's hands were rubbing in slow, easy sweeps up and down Xander's back and he shifted and sighed and kissed the smooth skin that was under his mouth.
"Spike..." he said, and then didn't know what else to say.
"What is it, love?" Spike murmured.
"I...I want..." Xander stopped again, feeling a rush of blood to his face - to his whole body. He knew exactly what he wanted, but asking - was hard. Asking opened him up for rejection.
"Ask me, Xan. Anything you want."
*Don't be so stupid - he's right here! He's holding on like...like you want him to hold on. Just...* "You said - next time... You said you would - show me...what it's like?" There was a moment's silence from Spike and then he shifted a little and Xander felt a cool hand under his chin, lifting his head.
"You want me to - be inside you, pet? Is that what you're asking?" Spike's eyes were dark in the dim room - were half-shut and fathomless and Xander couldn't make a sound, so he just nodded - stretched forward a little and kissed Spike's jaw, then his lips, slow and soft.
"Please?" His voice cracked a little and he paused, taking a long breath in. "I... It feels like I just..." *Want you to be in charge. Want you to just take care of me - just for a little while. Just - long enough. Please...*
"Course I will, love," Spike whispered, and Xander shuddered with relief and longing, kissing Spike again only deeper, and harder.
*God...please don't let it hurt... Please let me do this right...*
"I can hear your heart, pet - it's beating like a drum. You're not afraid of me, are you?" Spike asked, and Xander shook his head - took another deep breath, letting his forehead fall to Spike's shoulder.
"No, I'm just - I don't wanna - mess this up."
Spike laughed but it was quiet, not mocking. "Told you already - you can't. But this is for me to do, yeah?" Spike rolled them both a little - got Xander on his side and got himself up on his elbow and leaned there, looking at him. Xander couldn't stop the hand that reached out and lightly traced the curve of collarbone and pectoral and bicep.
"Trust me, pet?" Soft question - easy question, really. So frighteningly easy to answer.
"Yeah. I do," Xander replied, and Spike smiled.
Also, inspired by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
riani1 you can now download all of part one of 'Changes' *Something Rich and Strange* and part one of 'Little Runaway' via .zip files at Scarecrow Horses.
See her amazing fic here:Two Ladies of Quality.
OH! Knew there was one more thing. I would dearly, dearly love an icon for 'Credence' and for 'Little Runaway'. Or a cool banner thingy to put up at my website. So i'm asking very nicely, if anybody out there would want to make me something, i'll give ya...a fic of your choice?
Anything but Riley, and i won't vouch for my Wes voice...
*bounce*
I just...felt like it.
:)
And... I need some serious opinions, here. Is this just way, way too schmoopy, surgary, sweet? Not this particular chapter - although it, too - but the series as a whole? I love this story, but it's feeling odd to me just lately so - gimmie your best shots!
Not asking for reassurence - I like my writing and don't generally agonize over it too much. I just want to know if this seems too...good to be true. Too fast, too sweet, too...perfect.
Okay? Okay.
And - see this? <.................> That's the relative thickness of my skin, so don't be shy! I don't break easy and critical fb is GOOD STUFF.
Now then.
On with the show!
Previous bits are here.
The house was so quiet, after they left. Still. *Like a tomb,* Xander thought, which led inevitably to thoughts of Spike, the resident undead. *Doesn't even make me flinch, anymore. Undead. So what.* Xander stood on the balcony, knowing he was hiding, a little. It was just after nine in the morning and Spike couldn't come out after him - the balcony was flooded with the hard, hot sun of a late-summer day and it felt...really good. *But I'm still hiding. I'm alone with him now like I wanted to be but... What do we - do?* Xander felt just a little ridiculous but he couldn't force himself to go in, not just yet. He was still trying to process the morning, anyway. The goodbye scene which hadn't really been a scene but had been...something...
"Dawn, we have to go in ten minutes! Are you ready?" Buffy impatiently checks her watch - pats the row of luggage by the door and then looks up, frowning, as Spike as Dawn walk into the living room. Spike is saying something - talking low in her ear - and Dawn is sniffling already.
"Here now, none of that," Spike says gently, wiping at Dawn's face with his fingers and tucking her hair back behind her ear. Dawn just looks up at him, her eyes so big and hurt and lost, already. "Look, I've got you a present." Spike is holding a - book? No - more like an album and Dawn takes it with a look of surprise - sits down on the couch and opens it. Xander leans over to see and Spike just watches Dawn.
The album is full of pictures. The first is their house, and Xander recognizes the picture they saw in the want ad - how it was before. Only this is a color picture, probably the one the realtor copied to make the ad. The house looks so - barren. The next page is a new picture of the house, only this time it looks as if it were taken days ago, with the plants and trees and flowers that Dawn picked out and they planted together - with the old stucco re-painted a soft terra-cotta, the rails and little benches and gate and archway all done in the turquoise Dawn liked so well.
The rest of the pictures are the same - shots of the house as it was when they moved in - all dull walls and bare windows - and shots taken who knew when with the sun coming in soft and golden through the blinds, glowing on the walls. Spike's room in plum-red and amber, Xander's in the navy and cream and soft mocha-brown Dawn had persuaded him to. The gold and green kitchen, the bathroom all blues and pearls. And Dawn's room, yellows and creams and small, vivid bits of scarlet. Dawn wipes repeatedly at her eyes until she comes to the last page; herself and Serafina in their white party dresses, Xander and Dawn sprawled on the couch in 'movie-mode' and Spike, sitting and smoking at the kitchen table, small smile and tilt of his head. Then she just breaks down and sobs, and Spike moves instantly to kneel beside her and rub her shoulder - offer a tissue from the box on the end table.
"Please come back with us, Spike -" Dawn wails, and Spike looks taken aback - looks uneasily at Xander and hugs Dawn gently. Buffy is watching from the door and silently fuming - Giles is staring silently out the double doors to the balcony, probably not seeing the white-capped water of the Gulf or the ships that are churning slowly by, his shoulders tense under his light summer shirt.
"Now Bit, you know I can't. Can't leave my darling down here, can I? It'd be a heap of rust in a month, pet. I'll be back before you know it. Now pull yourself together, Bit; don't want to be all splotchy on the plane. Go wash your face, yeah?"
"Spike! Stop that! Stop trying to just - just -" Spike sighs, offering more tissues, and Dawn snatches a handful and mops her face.
"It can't be helped, pet, so better to just leave off, yeah? Just - don't think about it. Look - you've got pictures of all your hard work right here to show your mates back home. Bet they'll be askin' you to do their rooms up next, yeah? And Serafina said she'd come see you soon, and -"
"I’m not a CHILD, Spike!" Dawn says, but the wobble in her voice betrays her. She swallows and clenches her fists around the sodden tissues. "You don't have to distract me with - with TOYS." Her voice is hard but her hand is gentle with the album - closing it carefully and stroking its red leather cover. "This is really nice," she says, but then skewers Spike with a hard look. "You ARE coming back, right?"
Spike makes an astonished face - manga-eyes and open mouth - and Xander almost laughs. Buffy makes some sort of snorting noise.
"Bit! How could you? Would I lie to you?"
"Of course you would, Spike. It's time to go, Dawn." Buffy strides over and snatches the album - crams it into the top of Dawn's carry-on and jerks the draw-string tight. "Go use the bathroom if you need to, Dawn, the taxi's here and we have to go." Dawn stares up at her for a minute and then she grabs Spike in a huge, hard hug, burying her face in his neck. Spike shoots Buffy a glare - a kind of 'don't you DARE' look - and hugs her back just as hard.
"I'll miss you. Be careful and - and take care of Xander, please don't - don't let him get hurt. And - I love you, Spike," Dawn gasps out, then she's pushing to her feet and running for the bathroom and Spike is left crouching there, a look of utter disbelief and wonder on his face. Five minutes later they're gone, and Xander waves a last time from the balcony.
Xander shifted a little and sighed - leaned on the railing, idly watching the Gulf and a handful of gulls dart and dive, finding lunch in the sand near an outdoor café.
"Going to hide out there all day, pet?" Spike's voice was like a caress of cool velvet and Xander shivered a little - turned and looked into the house, waiting for his eyes to adjust. Spike was standing there in his oldest jeans and tightest t-shirt, his hair still mussed from his shower, his eyes sunk a little into bruised-looking sockets. Nobody had said a word about the ladder of cuts going up his arms, but now Xander felt a slow, twisting knot of anger in his gut. He pushed away from the rail and went straight up to Spike - hesitated for one long moment and then hugged him close. Spike's arms came up around him immediately and he made a small gasping sound.
"Fuck, you're so hot, that feels so good -" Spike was burrowing into him - getting his hands and arms up under Xander's shirt, searching for the sun-bought heat and Xander let him - pressed close and just held on.
"C'mon to bed with me, pet, yeah? You gotta start keepin' vampire hours an' I'm..." Spike didn't finish that but Xander knew what he was saying. Not 'I'm tired', although he probably was but; 'I don't want to be alone. I'm cold. I'm...lost.' It was how Xander was feeling anyway, and he went willing along with Spike to the warm, ruddy-gold of his room. Somehow, taking off his clothes didn't make him feel self-conscious anymore, and slipping into the musky, smoky nest of sheets and blanket was a relief. Spike pulled him on top - got arms and one leg around him and it was like a cocoon almost except Xander didn't care. He pushed his face into Spike's neck and just breathed in the scent that was rapidly becoming the scent of home to him - of comfort and safety.
"I hope Dawn's okay," he murmured, and Spike's arms tightened around him.
"She'll be fine, pet. Niblet's stronger than she looks. You'll see." Spike's hands were rubbing in slow, easy sweeps up and down Xander's back and he shifted and sighed and kissed the smooth skin that was under his mouth.
"Spike..." he said, and then didn't know what else to say.
"What is it, love?" Spike murmured.
"I...I want..." Xander stopped again, feeling a rush of blood to his face - to his whole body. He knew exactly what he wanted, but asking - was hard. Asking opened him up for rejection.
"Ask me, Xan. Anything you want."
*Don't be so stupid - he's right here! He's holding on like...like you want him to hold on. Just...* "You said - next time... You said you would - show me...what it's like?" There was a moment's silence from Spike and then he shifted a little and Xander felt a cool hand under his chin, lifting his head.
"You want me to - be inside you, pet? Is that what you're asking?" Spike's eyes were dark in the dim room - were half-shut and fathomless and Xander couldn't make a sound, so he just nodded - stretched forward a little and kissed Spike's jaw, then his lips, slow and soft.
"Please?" His voice cracked a little and he paused, taking a long breath in. "I... It feels like I just..." *Want you to be in charge. Want you to just take care of me - just for a little while. Just - long enough. Please...*
"Course I will, love," Spike whispered, and Xander shuddered with relief and longing, kissing Spike again only deeper, and harder.
*God...please don't let it hurt... Please let me do this right...*
"I can hear your heart, pet - it's beating like a drum. You're not afraid of me, are you?" Spike asked, and Xander shook his head - took another deep breath, letting his forehead fall to Spike's shoulder.
"No, I'm just - I don't wanna - mess this up."
Spike laughed but it was quiet, not mocking. "Told you already - you can't. But this is for me to do, yeah?" Spike rolled them both a little - got Xander on his side and got himself up on his elbow and leaned there, looking at him. Xander couldn't stop the hand that reached out and lightly traced the curve of collarbone and pectoral and bicep.
"Trust me, pet?" Soft question - easy question, really. So frighteningly easy to answer.
"Yeah. I do," Xander replied, and Spike smiled.
Also, inspired by
riani1 you can now download all of part one of 'Changes' *Something Rich and Strange* and part one of 'Little Runaway' via .zip files at Scarecrow Horses.See her amazing fic here:Two Ladies of Quality.
OH! Knew there was one more thing. I would dearly, dearly love an icon for 'Credence' and for 'Little Runaway'. Or a cool banner thingy to put up at my website. So i'm asking very nicely, if anybody out there would want to make me something, i'll give ya...a fic of your choice?
Anything but Riley, and i won't vouch for my Wes voice...
*bounce*